A Schwarzschild Radius

a bright sunny beautiful 27 degree morning in the coastal south

2012-02-12T12:25:00.000-05:00

this morning's dream turned out to be cool enough that I still remember it, so I'm writing...err, typing... it down...err, on this blog.

there are a lot of details I don't remember, but I believe my imagination crafted most of the details from a combination of movies I've watched this week. Friday night we watched TRON (Legacy, not the original/classic...also good), and last night we watched 9 (a favorite of mine).

In my dream I went to work (work was much darker than usual...like the aforementioned films) and I was talking to a member who I have grown very close to over the last few years. This isn't far from my daily routine at work. In real life he is a retired newspaper owner/editor from Athens, GA and he had polio when he was little. He recalls summers spent at Roosevelt Rehabilitation center in Warm Springs, GA (near where I used to work and where my parents now live) and he regained the ability to walk but lost it about 4 years ago because his legs were too weak to support the results of what he refers to as a love for ice cream. And he does not want to give up ice cream, but he says he walked enough in life to be okay with that. That sounds like it could be sad, but he's a pretty happy person, and he is a very good friend of mine. In real life we read the newspaper together (which is just an excuse for sitting in my office talking about whatever comes to mind). So to be hanging out with Graham in my dream assured me it simply could not end poorly.

In my dream I had been talking to him in his apartment and he was waiting for his daughter to get home -- about to turn in for the evening (his daughter turned out to be my step-fathers daughter Lynn, and she turned out to be pregnant, but that was another wormhole in the dream). I was doing research at a computer in their living room, and what I was researching was a hypothesis that I had been talking about with a college professor of mine (who was actually my social neuroscience prof at GSU), that our galaxy, and possibly universe, instead of being connected to other galaxies and universes by gases and black holes and nothingness, was connected by a sort of liquid -- very similar to water -- but much darker. When I actually SAW the water in my dream it was exactly like the ocean at the ending of TRON (2010).

The end of my dream found me trying to get away from a group of people who wanted to hide this discovery from the rest of the world. I was standing on the edge of this black ocean that I believed connected worlds. And the only obvious path of escape was to attempt to swim to the next world (I say world here b/c in my dream we referred to them as universes, but it could have been galaxies). So I jumped in and started swimming. And swimming in the space fluid was much easier than regular water, and I could swim much faster than I can in water....and I MADE it to the next world. I slowed down my pace and paddled through a large gate that looked like a chain link fence and was partially submerged. Through the gate and to my right there was an old wooden-looking dock and at the far end of the dock was a dilapidated 'boat house.' I swam closer to the dock because I was getting tired but I was also seriously debating on whether getting out of the liquid it was a safe idea, if gravity was the same in this new place, and what beings might emerge to investigate this visitor from the Milky Way. Then, something did step out from the shadows on the dock. It was small but seemed large at the same time, and it hesitantly but hurriedly came to the edge of the dock. Just before I woke up the little creature kneeled down and reached out to help me out of the water--and it was Number 9.

la fenêtre

2012-02-11T13:33:00.000-05:00

...an early morning, while-driving, one-handed, not-looking, phone-camera shot of the sun through the passenger window of my car

" Serious Power "

2012-02-06T16:33:00.001-05:00

Considering my previous post, I feel I owe this company a shout-out (I would say advertising but the travelers through here are few and far between). Whether my cold finally wore out its welcome or this stuff actually worked, one way or another I woke up a day later feeling nearly normal again. It doesn't taste great, but, by golly, it has my stamp.

Theraflu

anatomy of the seasonal cold aches and pains. a list of ten. and then some.

2012-02-03T22:06:00.001-05:00

1. the epidermis on and around my nose. it peeled two days ago. today it just looks like I sat in the sun for three hours with a lead blanket covering my entire body except for a cutout right around the snout. not. attractive.

2. the rest of the skin, full thickness, on my entire face and scalp

3. my entire sinus cavity, which is also pressurized just enough to make my ears pop occasionally

4. my gums, and consequently

5. my teeth...I suddenly have very vivid memories of waking up the day after an orthodontist visit

6. the hair follicles of each individual eyelash...both eyes

7. my throat (but only when I cough, sneeze or breath)

8. my brain--right there where the temples are (the well known "sinus headache") but I feel it may also extend into my temporal lobe because my decision making and reasoning skills have been somewhat muted this week....and my hippocampus is probably also involved since I've felt like a dementia sufferer all week (but that could have already been there just less noticeable)

9. the joints in my wrists and fingers

and just so I have an even number of woes

10. my right big toe from where I stubbed it earlier coming in from getting the mail (what, that doesn't count?)

It doesn't help that Rob has been out of town for three weeks and won't be home until Sunday. It also doesn't help that my cat Stella has proven herself completely useless as a nurse. And because I like the number 3 (I have a thing for numbers), I will add that it really really doesn't help that my mom is 5 hours away.

Woe. Woe is me.

[goes to bed]

2012-01-27T18:59:00.000-05:00

“If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.”
― Stephen Colbert

Georgia Highway 80 (draft)

2012-01-18T23:55:00.003-05:00

10. I sat, quiet
nervous in the artificial night
holding rough boy-hands
with my cousin and brother
all wondering why it was
we could not see the skies
as my father did

I crawled dutifully through years
of inflatable universes
galaxies trapped
condensed into globes of floating nylon
carefully erected in dark rooms

I coveted cold weekend nights spent on pasture hills
eating freeze-dried ice cream and looking up
through his fascination

and telescopes

I plead with God to
let me learn
Taurus, Scorpio and Pisces...
only ever seeing
Orion's bittersweet
three-starred belt
and the occasional dipper

twenty years later they suddenly snatched at me
driving deep among Georgia rollers
streaming through dark space and pine shadows
even steel and tempered glass were no match
my car rested patiently in the shoulder grass

there, Pegasus
reared into the heavens
the curtain of my earthly eyes drew
oh, my family of light

'I used to be a star,' you see
I thought perhaps I'd lost their gaze
but there was no mistaking
these constellations I have missed
all the years and names I have forgotten
they are there
twinkling, infinite
celestial reunion

...

as I pull into our driveway
Betelguese glows low above the yard palms
Orion rests along our roof
and Aquarius swims aside his Fish

and Henry, you danced like a wooden Indian

2011-12-04T14:19:00.001-05:00

Ever had a Thursday where you are so happy that the next day is Friday, then Friday comes and it's so incredibly busy but you think "at least it's Friday."

Then Saturday arrived and I was happy b/c I had a 90 minute massage at 11 and there were no words to describe just how badly I needed a good massage (in my case, I think I could've handled a jackhammer, but I settled for a human-generated deep tissue session).

So, it was Saturday--feeling great--sunny day.

But then I felt like I should go into work for "just a few minutes," just to make sure some arrangements were all in place. And I ended up being at work until almost 5 but allowed myself to foolishly hope that everything was under control and consoled my wasted day with, "at least I still have Sunday." Then Sunday morning came....and at 6:50am I heard my cell phone ringing in my purse that's hanging from a door knob in the dining room.....and I knew it was work....and I knew I should let it go....but I got up anyway....and the number was my general work number....but I knew who was probably calling....and I knew I could just go back to bed....but I called them back anyway.

That's when I realized that my week had officially continued on from Friday....at 6:50am this morning. When I tried to go back to bed my brain was in overdrive brainstorming about solutions for their problem, so I called back with a few more suggestions. Rob and I got up at 7:30 b/c I was completely awake. It's our 2 year anniversary (and 1 month engagement anniversary) so we decided to go to breakfast. I purposefully left both phones at home and we rode our bikes to Mallery Street Cafe. We decided over breakfast that today we would get a Christmas tree. The day was improving.

Home, there were two messages on my work cell. I didn't even listen to them b/c I knew who was calling and could guess what they were saying/pleading--frantic contract-nurse at work who was trying to deal with a complete and total lunatic of a 59 year old woman who thinks the entire world should bow to her every demand a few seconds before shes even thought about them...and if you think you've met someone like this (because until today, I really did think I knew one or two, or had at least seen versions of such a specimen on TV/Film) you should meet Mrs J and she will blow your mind. I don't even care about the slight HIPPA violation with that first initial drop there. That's how much I don't care about this psychotic paranoid schizophrenic histrionic manic depressive woman who somehow during the week apparently operates normally in her affluent golfing community. Of course now we all know that her "normal" is waaaaaaay beyond what any of us would describe it as...even within the excessively broad parameters of an already ambiguous descriptive.

And I am doing the best that I can

Midway through phone conversations with the nurse, I text my boss. She and I go back and forth for a few minutes and then the nurse calls back with the latest report (the reports were about 15mins apart...and by report I mean the next completely insane demand that had spurted out of crazy ladys oral cavity that even a registered nurse couldn't figure out). My last text to my boss was "my goal is to get her to discharge home before she consumes my entire weekend...she had a knee replacement by a renowned MD, not a bionic brain transplant by an intern." The next call from the nurse was that Crazyfool wanted to talk to my boss. HAHAHAHA. Now THAT was when I started smiling. Oh yes, gladly. So I called my boss and asked her to call the unit. And my phone as been silent ever since. Ahhhh.

Well, I tried to tell Crazyfool....but some people don't believe me when I say things. Some people think I'm just saying words to fill space. Some people think I'm just saying things based on my mood at the time. The truth is, when I say it, 99.9% of the time I really and truly mean it. And at some point, I will stop caring and I will stop trying--and it will feel good when I finally allow that burden to fall easily off my shoulders.

And hopefully along the way that person/situation didn't push me into the zone I rarely enter...the SURZ -- the Spent-Up Rachel Zone....cause that jest ain't no place to find yerself caught up in. Yesterday, I think I might have gotten toe-deep in the SURZ....but I somehow rallied myself back into neutral. I really don't like going into the SURZ.

So anyway, just to get any other undesirables out of the way, I balanced my bank account--which has really become a more and more humorous concept as I've gotten older and the years speed faster and faster by me.

And now, I am going to find us a nice Christmas tree.

And when Rob gets home from work we're going to open a bottle of champagne. And decorate that tree. And listen to Christmas music. And feel happy. Because guess what....tomorrow is Monday. And life is short.

Except this one mattered and I felt it had a spirit
And I shot the story cause I didn't hear it that way

I WANT A KITTY

2011-11-27T12:18:00.007-05:00

Ok....when I was little, teeny tiny wonderful little kittens LITERALLY seemed to just APPEAR on a regular basis. Sometimes we even had to bottle feed them and my parents would grumble and eventually would give them away because we already had TOO MANY animals. So why is it that when I really really really WANT a baby kitten, I have to pay* for one, and it's not even a baby anymore!

I want a free** baby kitten! And when I say baby, I mean, weened off mama cat but maybe not even on hard food yet. THAT kind of baby kitten. The kind that wakes you up every two hours for food and attention. The kind that every once in a while will topple over because their legs are still wobbly and their balance not so great. The kind that can only sleep if they're on your chest because your heartbeat is comforting (ok, big cats do that too, but I'm not talkin about big cats now)--and when they do sleep they still suckle and kick and twitch in their dreams the way only baby kittens do. The kind that still has blue eyes. The kind that their fur is still really super fluffy and downy and you're not even positive if it will stay white and gray or turn black. The kind that.....ok, I can't think of anything else right now.

The point is, I really want a baby kitten.

*The author notes and advises that all pets require--sometimes significant-- monetary expenditures in order to adequately support their health and well-being. The author simply would rather spend "adoption fees" on vaccines, spay.neuter cost, age appropriate food, litter and all the fun little feathery jingley toys that cats enjoy.

**See above disclaimer

among the dunes

2011-11-20T15:46:00.002-05:00

As the end of my second year in the coastal south approaches, I continue to be amazed at the fact that four days before Thanksgiving I can pull on a bathing suit and head to the beach to spend the better part of my day there. That's not to say that it doesn't get chilly here, and it's certainly not to say that Rob and I don't sincerely miss the crisp air and painted landscape of fall in South Carolina or West Virginia. But as long as I'm here, I intend to appreciate the particulars of island living.

Walking along the beach path from 11th street to East Beach there is a certain point where shoes of any kind become an obstruction to effective forward movement, so I kicked off my flip flops and plodded the rest of the way to my usual camp site-- umbrella, chair and beach bag in tow. The beach looked different today, and for a second I actually had to take a good look around to assure myself I was indeed in the exact same spot that I have planted myself every time I've come to the beach this summer. And that was a lovely thing to ponder for a while because as soon as I knew I wasn't in a parallel dimension somewhere my inner voice gave me a kindly flick on the forehead for ever having assumed that something like a beach would ever remain the same. But for the record, it had changed quite a bit this time, as if the beach and all the sandbars had been slurried around overnight--they were significantly transformed.

Four and a half hours later I had watched low tide yield to the pull of the moon and high tide was clamboring in. I had finished reading the latest book to grace my imagination and for a while I just sat on my towel staring out at the ocean and wondering what to do next while at the same time being completely content with remaining right where I was with no active plans at all. But out of that strange internal obligation which is most likely a completely socialized thing of our culture, I got up from my towel and bent under my umbrella to put my book away...I suppose in an effort to--as Daddy Wayne puts it--"begin the egress." But as I put the book away I realized my beach chair was in the perfect amount of shade, so I sat down...and pretended to continue the egress while the other 99.9% of my attention was on listening to the sound of the ocean...which led into more thinking. And in my usual nature of taking delight in thinking and pondering and contemplating and realizing--and I will say my psyche rarely disappoints me no matter how big or small the process is--I began considering exactly why it was that I felt so OK with just staying at the beach until the cows came home, and what exactly the "sound of the ocean" is and other things like that. So as I'm sitting in the chair, thinking and guiltily messing around with my beach bag as if I, were I to continue, might actually convince myself to pack up and leave (which didn't really work because as I dug for my phone to check the time I noticed I had two magazines in the bag that I hadn't read yet...well I could read these and THEN go...) it occurred to me that the sound of the ocean was a natural "white noise" and that it, combined with the nearly perfect temperature and breeze, was probably behind the reason why I was so content, or perhaps, entranced...and my inner voice gave me another of those proverbial flicks because then it seemed obvious.

As I was recovering from re-entry to reality I see, out of the corner of my eye, a couple walking past and the guy points at me and I realize I/we know them. It was a couple who Rob and I have met and hung out with at a few parties and hoped we would eventually become friends with. So they were walking with their baby (who I now call "sweet baby James" as he is wonderful for holding and bouncing and chirruping and laughing with) and they stopped to talk for a few minutes. They were at a birthday party/oyster roast we went to last night and all of us had stayed out till the wee morning talking and laughing and having our hair and clothes and skin soaked with the smell of burning cedar wood and roasted shellfish and the low-country air of live oaks and moss and salt.

Anyway their visit broke the spell that had kept me at the beach for so long after I'd finished my reading and then I was glad I had been entranced for long enough to see them. Once they were on their way further along the beach I packed up my things and walked myself to the car. At home I warmed up some soup and sat down to write about today. Because it has been a good day. And I am happy.

The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them -Stephen King

2011-11-07T10:36:00.000-05:00

We're all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness - and call it love - true love.
-Robert Fulghum

Before It Breaks

2011-11-02T22:47:00.000-04:00

Around here, it's the hardest time of year
Waking up, the days are even gone
The collar of my coat, lord help me cannot keep off the cold
The rain drops sting my eyes, I keep them closed

But I'm feeling no pain
I'm a little lonely and my quietest friend,
have I the moonlight? have I let you in?

Say it ain't so say I'm happy again.
Say it's over, say I'm dreaming,
say I'm better than you left me.
Say you're sorry, I can take it.

say you'll wait, say you won't
say you love me, say you don't
I can make my own mistakes
let it bend before it breaks

I'm alright, don't I always seem to be?
Aren't I swinging on the stars? Don't I wear them on my sleeve?
Went looking for a crossroads, it happens every day
and whichever way you turn, I'm going to turn the other way

Say it's over, say I'm dreaming
say I'm better than you left me
Say you're sorry I can take it

say you'll wait, say you wont
Say you love me say you dont
I can make my own mistakes
I learned to let it bend before it breaks

- Brandi Carlile

2011-10-20T11:41:00.002-04:00

hunches, hypothesis and theories

2011-09-25T12:16:00.003-04:00

1986--or somewhere around then--I am sitting on the curb of a cobblestone drive waiting for Dad to bring around our big red and white caprice classic to load our luggage into and head home. No one is interested in anything other than the fact that I am out of the way, but I am working on something very important. And suddenly, after many failed attempts and at about the exact same time absolutely no one is around me or looking, I succeed in what I have been determined to do for a few months now. I have officially learned how to tie my shoelaces.

And I have tied them correctly, as in, how my father has been coaching me, "right over left Rachel, right over left" -- a perfect square knot bow in the laces of my knock-off Keds.

This memory sat in my mind for years and years as the memory of, "when I learned the tie my shoes." It is probably the first memory I can access after other important stages in life such as "first learned to talk," and "first learned to walk" --

In August of 2009 I quit my job. I had a mortgage, two dogs, a cat and a car that was in dire need of new tires and a tune up, but I quit my job around 11:30 one morning and drove south through Atlanta to my Newnan bungalow that I wasn't quite sure exactly how I was going to pay for at this point, but I didn't care. It was one of those "I'd rather lose everything than work here one more second" moments.

I started applying for jobs. Some that were similar to what I had been doing, but what I really wanted was a career change. I was so burned out on Social Work and Corporate America that I was ready to lose it all, go back to school and become a Librarian (still not a bad idea...minus the "lose it all" part of course).

Somewhere around the end of September of that year I cashed in all my mutual funds. At that point I was applying for jobs anywhere, everywhere--Georgia, Texas, Louisana, North Carolina, Tennessee, mountains, coast, desert...wherever. I was also drinking way more than I needed to and could have been diagnosed as depressed and self medicating. I had weaned myself off a few medications I had been taking because I knew my health insurance would end as soon as my ex-employer could get their grimy hands on the paperwork (and they did, and it did). I wasn't necessarily miserable, but I was definitely unhappy and getting increasingly worried that I might need to begin consulting the local homeless folks on exactly how to make it through winter on cardboard boxes and the occasional hand out. Yes I knew my family would never let it come to that...but it was a legitimate concern. And I still did not regret in the least my decision than got me there (still don't).

Three major things happened at the end of 2009 that changed my life. I am sure they have all been mentioned before on this blog, but I feel inclined to reminisce...

First, Robert, who'd had his fill of my increased unavailability and "rock star lifestyle" (being superficial bffs with a bar owner helps when you're poor and working diligently at developing a drinking problem) insisted that we take a vacation and he found and booked a pet friendly cabin in Hot Springs (see that story here).

Second, before that trip actually happened, I had a call for a phone interview with a company that I actually wasn't sure which application it matched. There were so many, and I still only vaugely remember filling out an online app at career builder and then thinking nothing more of it (after hundreds of resumes they all blur together). I was in Kroger when they called and I quickly asked if I could call them right back, zoomed home and did a little bit of research on the company (tried desperately, and to know avail, to find the application/resume I had sent them), called the lady back and did my very best at an impromptu interview (which I thought actually went okay but was so down on myself then that I had no expectations). A few days later I was happily contacted by the same company for an live interview that was scheduled for the Monday after our Hot Springs trip.

Mom rode with me to the interview. We had to leave VERY early because it was located at a retirement community on St. Simons Island, which is five hours from my house in Newnan. We had a great trip actually, and though I thought the interview was a bit awkward (the gentleman who would be my "boss" were I offered the position was at least 3 years younger than me and his maturity followed suit) I was uplifted at having actually scored an interview somewhere more appealing than the (very few) other leads.

The third event was that a week later (closing in on Christmas) I was driving to Target and got the call offering me a position and nearly matching my salary from my last job AND offering me 30 days free room and board in the community of Marsh's Edge while I found a place to live since I would be relocating.

I put my house on the market, spent a very Merry Christmas with my family (also the last Christmas we would spend with our wonderful Nana, the great Ruth Oalmann) and just before the end of the year I liquidated my 401K (the last of any "nest egg" I had).

By the end of January I found an apartment I could afford and with the help of my wonderful family and Robert, completed the final stages of officially moving to St. Simon's Island.

Somewhere around April or May (2010), another mysterious thing happened.

My aunt and uncle came to visit and they were staying at the islands landmark hotel The King and Prince. The first night they were in town I met them in the lobby. I parked my car along the curb and as I walked in I had an extremely strong sense of deja vu and couldn't quite place my finger on why. As we headed out to go to dinner, I suddenly remembered exactly what was firing off in the recesses of my memory. The cobblestone drive, the curb, the landscape.....I had learned to tie my shoes at the King and Prince when I was four. There is scientific meaning behind the "light bulb effect"...whatever synapse was harboring the chemicals of that memory finally exploded across to it's neighboring cells--a bolt of lightening that has made a solid connection from cloud to ground and spread thousands of tendrils of electricity and light into the atmosphere--illuminating the events surrounding that marker in my childhood history. We were on the island for some business thing my parents were looking into (or something like that). Dad had fussed at me that morning for accidentally walking in on him getting dressed in the bathroom and mom was probably busy with Stefan. I was being the typical kid "getting in the way" and felt as such, so I had very willingly been ushered by my [mom? grandparents?] to the curb where they were making a pile of our luggage. I kept quiet and busied myself with that little thing I had wanted so badly to accomplish for what seemed like years.

2011 It's Sunday morning in late September. I'm sitting on our screened porch with my cat Stella and a cup of coffee that I'm sure by now is cold. And I am considering, as I do often these days, all the forces of nature that brought me here, brought Rob here (where he happily works for SEA) and how the fabric of the universe is so majestically woven.

A quarter of a century ago I learned to tie my shoes about a mile from where we live now. It is more moving than I can find words to describe, to consider the symbolism in that moment and how the many years between then an now have led me back here, as a shoe lace loops back and forth through the eyes of a sneaker. And having been here for almost two years now, I feel like I am perhaps on the brink of yet another major marker in my life. I have no idea what it will be. I have hopes and dreams and five year plans. And, for the record, have not changed careers and actually see my possibilities in this field.

But beyond that I have something far deeper that has been growing inside me for as long as I can remember (it has always been there, though there have been times when I have failed to acknowledge it). It is constantly under construction and reinforcement but it's foundation is solid and it is a deep comfort to me. I have something that is important to the health and well being of everyone, regardless of religion or spirituality. I have Faith. I have faith that the forces of our unimaginably vast universe are intertwined and laced together in a brilliant, infinite quilt. And I have faith that no being in that expanse is too small to not be included in the pattern.

I am describing what myself and many people call God, though "God" has a different meaning and relationship that is unique to each of us throughout history. And in that sense this is God's production. There are possibilities everywhere, little projects that, though each may seem more important as we grow older, are just as significant as learning to tie your shoes.

my labor day delight

2011-09-05T15:51:00.001-04:00

This is really nice so I just thought I'd write something stupid about it.
Quiet day at work. Cleaned my office (love being able to see my desk from time to time). Wrapped up a few loose ends. Left at 3. Made a veggie sandwich at home. Pulled on a pair of jeans. Plotted a cheesy dinner for two. Opened the blinds in my bedroom. Sat down on the bed with a ginger ale and the 787 pg Stephen King I just acquired that Rob says I will undoubtedly finish in a day and a half (hah). The sun quietly slipped behind the clouds and now it's thundering.
Thank you dear universe.

Is this what "full of piss and vinegar" feels like?

2011-08-24T09:41:00.002-04:00

Today seems to be one of those days that, from the time I got out of bed, every other moment has been so irritating that I find myself fantasizing about ditching it all and heading for some completely unknown region of the world. And (clears throat) it's just 9:30am

And no, to anyone (any of those random hackers because no one really reads this pathetic blog anymore) who reads that and says "oooh, must be PMS" (another idiotic sexist peeve of mine)...it's not. Sometimes I just get tired of living peacefully in the bureaucratic nightmare that life has become.

The point when I realized that perhaps I should reign in my nearly seething chagrin (just for a moment, mind you) is when I listened to a voice mail from the family member of my favorite resident at work.

Background: as an unofficial part of my job (which today ranked 1st, 3rd and 4th on CNNs ten jobs with high rates of depression) I seem to be the only one here (not the business office, not the billing office, not the administrator and certainly not the office manager) who has ever even attempted to effectively navigate the completely senseless world of INSURANCE (Lord help me here...I feel it bubbling up again). And one kind of insurance is Long Term Care insurance...

[that every relatively healthy 50 year old should consider purchasing now even though healthcare is on a grisly downward spiral and it is reasonable to predict that even if you did invest in an insurance plan they could belly-up, bail-out and leave you more haggard and neglected of basic human rights than you would have been were you actually born into homelessness]....but I digress

Long Term Care insurance is a kind of insurance that you purchase when you are young and healthy to ensure that, if the time comes that you need a private caregiver in your home, or assisted living, or memory care or nursing home care (we in Person-Centered Care call it "clinical" or "skilled" care to avoid the negative stereotype of "the home"), that you will have assistance with paying for these services instead of being financially drained, forced to forgo your home, your assets and your childrens inheritance in order to qualify for a state Medicaid program (that may or may not exist when you get to that age) that will require you to stay in a "home" that smells like urine and death and is run by overworked untrained and underpaid staff because the government, and society in general, does not care one bit about our elders who paved the way for us while we acted like complete loons raising our children to be selfish, overweight, ignorant, undisciplined and entitled little shits who live by the NIMBY mentality

ahem

So I fax monthly invoices and three or four special forms the LTC Insurance companies for our residents. And this morning I had a voice mail from a daughter who said their insurance still had not paid for June, July and...one would assume, August. So I go back through the file. Yep, there's the FIRST confirmation for June and July, and there is the SECOND time I faxed it when the daughter came to me the first time, and there's the confirmation for August.....hmm...oh, and look, there is documentation of the phone call I made on August 10th following up to make sure the faxes were indeed received by the correct department (a phone call that was never returned)......I think it fair to say that it just doesn't seem the problem is on our end. So I re-fax all the invoices today. And here is where I momentarily lost control. The fax cover sheet for starters, where I made it clear (in a professional yet firm manner) that this was their issue...then I also included all the confirmations from all the faxes I had already sent,

then, out of spite (which actually made me feel really...really pleased with myself), I faxed them the fax confirmation of the fax I sent today....

At that point I had a mildly frightening vision of me spending the rest of my day in completely uncontrolled frothing-of-the-mouth-craziness, faxing confirmation of confirmation of confirmation and then before 5pm sending a copy of all of it to their office in a FedEx overnight package. Did I unknowingly slip into the cast of Office Space? So I tore myself away and decided some blogging therapy may do me some good.

Thank you little blog. I do, actually, feel much better.

Now, onto my next victim.....mwahahahaah.

when no one is looking, there it is

2011-08-08T13:01:00.002-04:00

She is staying with us in the healthcare wing

For stronger lungs and legs

They called me to ask for a room and said

She will be a good patient, but her husband is strange

And I said yes and offered a bed

She is 86 and he comes every day at lunch

For a week now

Today as I walked toward the exit for lunch of my own

He was signing in at the visitor register

Wearing his usual hardware store trucker cap

Khaki shorts, tube socks and old tennis shoes

Holding a grocery bag in his left hand and signing in with the other

I noticed, gripped next to the bag handle, a splash of red

Three tiny sprigs of red snapdragon

And in that instant I felt a deep throb

A penetrating ache

A wish that I could fold quietly into the moment when he,

Turning from his path to the car

Bent into her garden

pulled his pocket knife from his shorts

and clipped those three precious stems

to curl up and live inside

a simple, pure gesture of love

I suppose I am strange too

Really?

2011-07-03T16:46:00.000-04:00

Motorcyclist Dies On Ride Protesting Helmet Law In New York

ONONDAGA, N.Y. -- Police say a motorcyclist participating in a protest ride against helmet laws in upstate New York died after he flipped over the bike's handlebars and hit his head on the pavement.

Full Article

(melancholy jazz guitar...sound of pigeons flapping)

2011-03-22T20:35:00.001-04:00

sitting here on the floor watching a movie, i felt something on my leg.

you know the feeling.

at first, you try to talk yourself out of it. it's just a loose strand of hair. it's just a twitch in your skin. it's just a piece of the wisteria you brought in last night. pieces of it fell all over the floor on the way to the table.

this went on for seconds. maybe even a full minute.

then finally i gave into the urge to brush it away. and of ALL the times i've brushed something away that wasn't really there. of all the times it was a loose hair, a twitch, a string from the hem of my clothes. i didn't even hurry to do it because i knew it was nothing.

but this time it was a little spider.

ugh.

well, i'm not sure exactly what it was because as soon as my hand touched it i went into controlled bug-panic mode. smash and flick. you know the one. i looked on my rug for what it might have been, then noticed a smudge on my fingers, and a smudge on my leg. so i assumed it was a spider, but it could have been any soft-bodied little bug.and it was little. i figured it was one of those teeny little spiders that you find on flowers you picked in the yard. the tiny little green ones. or the little black ones. hopefully not the little black ones that jump AT you when cornered. those are just creepy.

well. the flowers are now on the patio.

so now it's getting up on 9pm. and all i can think about is that little fact and figure that used to go around. probably still does....it goes something like "the average human inadvertently eats about 6 spiders a year while sleeping" or something like that.

i mean, how the heck am i supposed to sleep tonight? or ever for that matter?

which also brings to mind that yesterday when i met our future landlady at the house we're renting. i was signing the lease and chatting happily, trying to let her know just how really really really glad i am we found that house. and i noticed a very small baby silverfish on the glasstop stove.

yes. a silverfish. i HATE silverfish. they are the one creature i simply cannot fathom why it did not go extinct with the dinosaurs. or even sooner. they are dreadful!

and the absolute restraint it took for me to see that little silverfish and NOT squeal and squash it with the paper i had in my hand? i didn't even casually put the agreement on it and lean down really hard. then it would have gotten all over the nice neat lease agreement. so what did i do? i IGNORED it. impossible! but i did it.

and then what. what kind of karma do i draw? a freakin spider on my leg.

(throws hands in air)

2011-03-20T16:45:00.000-04:00

What a great evening was had last night! I headed to my parents for the weekend and Wayne took us out to the River Club for a spectacular dinner during Lobsterfest. Good food, good wine, my wonderful family. A girl couldn't ask for much more :) And thanks to everyone at CRC for a really memorable evening.

the day of the three-leafed shamrock

2011-03-17T23:04:00.000-04:00

at some point I am going to learn to tap into my psychic abilities and do something really impressive with them....like pirate the cure for cancer, find the path to world peace....and...of course...win the lottery

until then I suppose I will continue to have these "I told me so" moments/days/years....sigh

but I'll start with the good stuff

Rob flew down last Thursday night. at first I was worried because his plane was delayed in Charleston due to high winds in Atlanta (the few curses of living near a tiny airport...tiny planes) and missed his connection to Brunswick, so instead of counting on him being able to find Delta sponsored transportation from JAX to here at midnight, I opted for the surest solution, drove down and picked him up (aren't I sweet?)

Then our weekend proceeded as follows. Friday: me to work, Rob's interview #1, walk on the beach, shopping in Brunswick, Oysters at Coastal Kitchen, Thai dinner with Liv and Serge then to her dad's bar for a few brewskies, home, bed, Saturday: make breakfast and send Rob to interview #2, veg at the apt until he returns with great news of a good job offer, go for a drive, lunch of barbecue sandwiches at Beachcomber, browse around a shop or two, return home and watch a movie, get ready for dinner, have wine with my friends Graham and Adelaide who live at Marsh's Edge, have the most fantastic birthday dinner at Delaneys, go to a party at Robs future boss's house, hear a great band there, go to Village Pub for more drinks and dancing to live music, in late, crash, Sunday: Rob up early being domestic, washing clothes and dishes and trying to roust me from the covers, go to the pool for a few hours, swim a bit, have ameri-mex lunch at Bubbas across the street and then go for a ride to look for houses...that was when we found this:

which is where we'll be living as of April 1st :)

later we went and heard the band from saturday night play at Locos down the street. met more people, i saw some folks i knew. it was a good weekend. Monday morning he flew out of brunswick bright and early. Early enough for me to catch a nap before going into work.

So, in the midst of all the glee, it was Sunday that I started getting nervous. I'm the kind of person who starts to worry when things are going too well. I am the one who knows that statistically if I drive 115 miles to work and back every day on a major interstate through a major city that at some point I'm going to get into a car accident (so I moved to a tiny island where I live 5 miles from work...very nice).

Right. So I was nervous. Worried. Fretful. I went into work Monday morning and the first thing that happens is the business office/HR girl comes in a slaps a random drug screen on my desk. And I'm like, well I don't use drugs so whatever, but then I start to worry, what if they mix mine up with someone elses? what if it's a bad test and I'm positive for everything? what if what if what if. I regularly drive myself nuts with those bastard words.

Then it dawned on me. My birthday was this week. Something was bound to happen on my birthday. But my birthday came and went and was GOOD. damnit. I even told the executive director about my drug screen fears so all day he teased me that I was getting fired for a positive result. But no, my birthday, which was yesterday, was wonderful. I have some NICE people I work with. Everyone was so kind! Olivia even brought a cake when we met for lunch. Then we went out for cocktails and dinner at Ocean Lodge and trivia at Village Pub.

I gotta say, it was a good day.

So I should've known that my luck would run out. And what better time for that to happen than...well...St. Pattys Day. If this is the luck of the Irish, I'll take the rain.

The first thing I realize is that I paid my mortgage twice this month. Thats great for my principal, and not great for my bank account. The second stupid thing I do is come home mid-day, using the work car b/c I had to drop off a coworker at a home eval, and left MY car keys at the apartment, so when I left work at the end of the day, no car keys. But, as bigDaddymitch would say...lets go back to this right here. While at work I decide to look for a washer and dryer on craigslist b/c I dont want to pay to have mine moved from the Newnan house. I find a set close by for cheep! Call him, he's good, will meet me later at the house, owner is cool with them going in a little early...all is well. So when I discover my keys are MIA I borrowed a coworkers car, met the guy at the house and when it was time to pay up, I realized I had grabbed my savings account deposit book instead of my check book. Fudge. So, I say, follow me to the bank and if you have change I'll give you cash. Which is obviously fine with him. So off we go to the bank. I pull out of the drive, onto Ocean Blvd and make the right turn onto Frederica to go to Suntrust. A few hundred feet under my tires and I hear something slide off my roof and catch a glimpse of my CELL PHONE as it flits off the trunk and splashes in pieces on the road where there is 6 o'clock 55mph traffic in full swing. Defeated, I pull into Suntrust, give Rick his cash and dart back to the scene of the accident to pick up the remains of my phone, praying the sim card isn't demolished....but...but...theres no phone! No trace! Nowhere! as if someone saw it from the sidewalk and snatched it up! I drove back and forth 3 times and was stunned.

And now. Now I don't know if I can count today as the balancing of all that good stuff over the weekend and birthday, or if this is just the beginning of the end....sigh.

So if anyone is trying to reach me (haha. yea right. my phone rings three times a day and its always rob...oh wait, sorry Andy, since you read these, hello and thanks for calling me. You were the last one I talked to before my phone was the victim of a smash and grab! and it might be a few days before I can call you back, btw)...I'm not just being antisocial. Not this time, at least ;)

oh my. Look at the time. And I've chattered my fool head off.

so I will drift off to sleep hoping that today was the worst of it. It could've been even worse, I know, but I literally felt like I had a gray cloud following me around all day. Also i felt like I was possibly developing a case of the dismentias...hehe. And, well, me and dementia fears are aWHOLEnother story...

now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my brain to sweep (the cobwebs from, that is)

night night little blogosphere.

2011-03-07T21:35:00.000-05:00

There's a town called Don't-You-Worry
on the banks of River Smile;
where the Cheer-Up and Be-Happy
bloom sweetly all the while

Where the Never-Crumble flower
blooms beside the fragrant Try
and the Ne'er-Give-Up and Patience
point their faces to the sky

In the Valley of Contentment
in the Province of I-Will
you will find this lovely city
at the foot of No-Fret Hill.

There are thoroughfares delightful
in this very charming town;
and on every hand are shade trees
named The-Very-Seldom-Frown

Rustic benches quite enticing
you'll find scattered here and there
and to each a vine is clinging
called The Frequent Earnest Prayer

Everybody there is happy
and is singing all the while
In this town of Don't-You-Worry
On the banks of River Smile

March could be darker. Catapult.

2011-03-02T22:25:00.003-05:00

my evening began...oh, around 4:30 when I lost interested in directly "work related" activity (oh wait, that was on and off all day)....but mainly when I logged into CNN and read the article about the dog who survived euthanasia. aw.

anyway, i suppose it may have sent my mind in exploratory mode, because this is how my evening went

despite my raging 72hr stomach bug, i had a hankering for a glass of red wine. and i refuse to open any of the other bottles i have at my house because...well, they're too danged valuable and shall only be opened at a time when i can share them with others who will appreciate the event as much or more than i do....or i should say just plainly--with others--because i dont tend to hang out with snobs or wine critics. so it will always be enjoyed if i have anything to do with it.

(even if it were a dreadful bottle of wine, wouldn't we just open something else and enjoy that? and then years later say, "hey, do you remember that time we opened that $220 bottle of wine and it was TERRIBLE?...man we had so much fun that night!")

exactly...so

i went to the store and bought a bottle of pinot noir (my fav) which was also on sale at the local winndixie. drove home and tossed together a small meal of cous cous & pine nuts and sauteed garlic and spinach

sat down to assess my mail situation. bills and advertisements. pushed them aside to assess my web mail situation. bills and advertisements--not unusual....bills, bill reminders, bank balance alerts and PND updates that i never read....there are a rare few regular emailers i have kept contact with. i guess its how i've crafted my life up to this point. it seems every time i have an opportunity to liquidate and minimize, i do it to the full extent. i only half meant to. i guess. and since i did take on a major relocation last year i guess it's normal (in my world) for some social fallout (<--fallout being a word I decided to work into my normal vocabulary tonight)

there was a random facebook update in my inbox, so out of sheer morbid curiosity i clicked on it and logged into my homepage and thanks to a high school class mate i was barely ever involved with, i clicked on an asteroid "end of days" style YouTube link, that referred to some asteroid that would barely miss the earth, oh, 2029 or something and then cause some kind of earth destruction in 2030-something....i dont remember. but i did google "asteroid-earth collisions" and came up with "impact events" (dang good phrase for it) so i began to read about that on wikipedia. and you know how it goes when you start reading on wikipedia. all these interesting linked words are all over the place. so my "impact events" search lead to "nuclear explosions" which lead to "volcanic eruptions" which led to "natural disasters" which led to "wild fires" which made me musedly wonder why pollution isn't a natural disaster....and reminded me of the river in ohio that caught on fire, cuyahuga, so that was my next search, which led to a brief review of REM's latest album Collapse Into Now
and then i was reminded that last time i checked my iPod i didn't have all my REM on there, so I began fingering through the collection of cds I still have and pulling the ones i thought I was missing.

This also led me to again acknowledge one of the rem TAPES i have saved, over the years.

and...I have only three tapes now. They are as follows. In order of receipt.

Single: Donna Lewis- I love you always forever (from first official boyfriend. ever) 1996
Soundtrack: Music from and inspired by the City of Angels Motion Picture 1998
Mix Tape: REM Live 1981 and Live 1986 (which I believe I was given sometime in 1999 or 2000 or later)

so, for nostalgias sake, i drug out my Panasonic XBS jambox....which my mother gave me for christmas or birthday sometime in junior high...and has a cd player and a 2 tape deck but no longer will record tape to tape....sigh

and now I am uploading the last of my REM to my computer, who's memory is almost full (because I've had this wonderful little laptop since 2004)....thinking....how did I not have Monster on here? duh. and thumbing through the album art, the lyrics, the titles--I can't help but smile...there are very specific memories all wrapped up in every song. and I wasn't even alive for some of them.

ok. upload complete. goodnight little island

Bloomers

2011-03-01T14:21:00.002-05:00

Above is what used to be a very small and shriveled Aloe plant that I salvaged last summer from the "death rack" at Home Depot. I consider this a rather nice "thank you"....I've never had an aloe that bloomed before! And today I noticed that another little succulent I just got a few weeks ago has put out a bloom bud. Spring has sprung :)

weird things that happen when you live in an apartment

2011-02-27T16:18:00.000-05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I was knowingly spied upon....by a little old lady.

I live in a second floor apt and my big living room windows give a glorious view of the parking lot and a few of the steps that lead up to the three dwelling levels, including the one I live on. So I was sitting at my computer checking my email this morning around 9:30 and had just opened all the windows because it is another day in paradise, and because the morning sun prevents anyone from easily seeing into my apartment at that time of day....I didn't really notice her until she paused on the steps. An elderly lady carrying a bag of groceries. She had stopped and was peering up, which is what I noticed out of the corner of my eye and just to the left of my laptop screen. Then she went on up the stairs, stopped and walked to the edge of the landing and STARED for probably a whole MINUTE. I mean, who the hell does that? I knew she couldn't see me very well (of course I wouldn't just have the windows wide open without having at some point inspected the view...so I knew this was a truth)...but she sure was trying. And I suddenly felt....guilty? What the heck was I doing that was so suspicious?...so suspicious that it warranted a minutes worth of blatant peering?

I ignored her and went on typing my email, clearly aware she was looking at me. And she eventually moved along to her apartment. I tried to listen to which one she went into so that one day if I met her in the parking lot or on the landing I can go out of my way to say "HI" to my nosey neighbor.

A little later as I left to meet Liv for breakfast I too paused on the stairs to take a gander at my windows....wondering what could be so interesting. I settled on the fact that she must have been very curious about the staghorn fern and rosemary plant I have sitting on the glass-top table at the window (where my laptop also lives)....my brain accepted so I let it go, plotting to blog about it later.

After breakfast/lunch I drove around looking for a house to rent when Rob moves here in April. Then I came home and walked over to the pool to get a little sun and read...sat there for an hour and a half and then headed back to the safety and seclusion of my little abode.

On the walk back to the apartment I agreed to try to blog at least every other day....that's my initial commitment. It may change to...oh...once a week....or, considering the lapse between last nights and the one prior to, every 6 months. Haha.

Happy gorgeous Sunday on St. Simons :) A very lovely day indeed.

THE MIST

2011-02-26T18:53:00.000-05:00

Around 3:30 pm today I rode with Olivia to pick up my car--my honda (all 309k miles of her) who just received a new set of tires and new oil, and new wiper blades (Merry Christmas ole Betty)--in Brunswick (the mainland). On the drive home, as I drove over the causeway to St. Simons, I noticed what I was sure was smoke...lingering over the water and in the trees on the island. The closer I got to my home the more worried I became that something big was on fire....my apartment complex? (wait...I turned off the iron, the clothes had already stopped drying....the vacuum wouldn't just spontaneously combust would it?...oh God....did I renew my renters insurance this year?...and....Stella!)...I could already see my valiant launch into the flames to retrieve my feline.

The apartment was not on fire, much to my relief. And no sirens or lights flashing anywhere, no-one running in the direction of the action...hmmmh. oh well. So I dropped off a few things and went back out to zip over to the grocery...and in the minutes I had been inside the smoke had thickened, but now I could tell it wasn't smoke, it was fog...but not just fog, it was mist (Dad, forgive me for not knowing the difference right off, I know you are slapping a proverbial hand to your forehead, but at the moment I plead ignorance)....very heavy mist, fog, water vapor, whatever it is supposed to be called....blowing around like smoke and wetting my face as it brushed by.

I always get a little creeped out when the fog invades the island. I plot how I will bunker in my apartment and last out the creatures that are sure to emerge from the thick white cloud rolling off the ocean and terrorize this small island....I have plenty of rice and cous cous, and several jugs of water...and beer....and wine....I would be good. Also living on the second floor I would hopefully avoid the creatures who preferred to sniff out only the ground level humans...and just in case, I have a 3 pack of wasp and hornet spray (hey, it worked in the story...and it shoots 30 feet...)

So the above pic is a view from across one of the lakes...err..ponds... at work--the last time the mist came.

I realize no one probably reads this anymore. I dont even come here often. But I felt inclined to blog today because it's just me here, I'm so rarely on the island I have become somewhat of an antisocial save for my 2 or 3 closest friends here (who, sadly, have lives of their own) so when a weekend rolls around that I can stay kerput, there is usually at least one night that I enjoy all to myself.

Tonight I thought it was gonna be one of those....I am out of Netflix, and my computer isn't new enough to stream video and I still am antiCable so I have no tele reception. But I did receive an invite to go to Tam's temporarily kidless house for girl time and a few beers...

...dare I venture into the mist?

2010-08-06T19:01:00.002-04:00

a codega would be nice

2010-06-13T18:53:00.001-04:00

I'm reading again. Not sure if many know this, but when I read, I tend to take on some magical power from the author/writer and it has the same effects as an antidepressant on my mood and general self-image. But mainly, it makes me want to write. And it makes me LIVE in a novel, where everything I experience is something that, in my head, I write down in the imaginary memoir that I have been writing since I was...oh, I don't know...really really young.

But whenever I think of becoming one, I get this deep inner anxiety and decide to be okay for now with my inner, imaginary novella. And sometimes I blog.

So today I returned from Beaufort, SC. A few weeks ago I realized, very happily, that my family has LONG time friends only 1.5 hrs away. It's like I knew this but it wasn't floating on my present mind. I meant to go last weekend with Robert but complications prevented an enjoyable visit for us, so I swore to return, and did. I arrived in Okatie around 2pm on Saturday, was greeted warmly by Don and Helen, directed to settle into the guest cottage, was fed (Don's special greasy rice) and then promptly escorted to the dock to begin my reason for going: to learn the simple art of casting for shrimp.

Saturday night as my (thoroughly soiled) cotton skirt and tank top soaked in the sink upstairs, we enjoyed a wonderful dinner of rice, stewed tomatoes and zucchini, steamed sugar snap peas, hot bread and Portuguese "Green" wine.

I was staying in the guest house with Don's sister Marjorie...one of the most absolutely delightful women I have met to-date. She was staying in the master bed room downstairs and I chose the loft bedroom (up the 2.5ft wide staircase to the room-on-the-roof) over the two twins downstairs. Don and I went to cast a few more times after dinner, then I sat with them on their screened porch for a bit before retiring to the cottage to watch Law and Order with Marjie and her little dog Sarah.

Breakfast was set for 8am at Don and Helen's. Marj and I had a cup of coffee and talked on the porch about why her tomato plant had never blossomed before walking across the yard. After eating (shrimp and grits, sliced tomato, hot bread with butter and honey) Don and I boarded his golf cart once more, this time to explore his land where his fish pond, pine grove and 1948 ford tractor (that still runs) reside...and to pick blueberries at his daughters house. We were back by 10:15 and I decided to begin packing to head home. When I returned to throw my bags in the car I found several bags of fresh veggies, several pounds of frozen shrimp, more blueberries, a baby rosemary plant, a baby azalea and the coffee can of gardenias I had picked out in the woods as he was proving to me that the tractor DID still run.

And if you can't tell, I have concluded that this was a blissful, perfect weekend. There is nothing else that I wanted to do. I drove home on back roads through Jasper and Chatham County and didn't even mind when, around 12:30, my air conditioner quit working.

At 4:15 I decided to go to the pool. That was when my confidence was heavily challenged, but I'm glad I went. Yes, I'm a social worker, I can navigate almost ANY social scenario and I am NOT afraid of people....at least not when I'm working, shopping, eating or any other relatively purposeful activity....but going to the pool alone is terrifying, going RUNNING in public is terrifying. Yes I feel better for doing it, yes it's good for me, no I have no REAL reason to feel that way, but the truth is....in general, most people scare the living hell out of me (oh wait, is that a direct contradiction?). Anyway, I went to the pool, sat in the corner (in the shade b/c I'm still nursing a burn from LAST weekend) and plotted to get in the water after the snooty sorority sisters and their sperry-wearing wanna-be boyfriends had left...but ended up reading many many chapters, sweating out any water I drank today, doing a smidgen of people watching and then wrapping up in my sarong before navigating my way out of the pool area (all the while certain the three 'kids' in the pool were secretly looking at me and whispering "who the hell does she think she is, and WHAT is she wearing, and ohmygod look at that cellulite")

haha. I know no one really gives a hoot. and I had already inspected the other females at the pool and determined I was NOT older, uglier, frumpier or fatter than the majority of them...okay maybe frumpier (I mean, I did arrive wrapped in a sarong, wearing a long sleeved cotton blouse, ball cap and sunglasses...oh well)...so I am hopping in the shower and wearing something comfortable to go out for pizza with friends and thus will conclude my perfect weekend.

adios, ciao, a tout a leur, buenas noches...see you later little blog

dey - ja - vooooooo y'all

2010-05-18T19:09:00.000-04:00

"I knowed it. I seen it comin...blew it right off the blocks"

(I still can't remember where the heck that quote came from but all I know is it makes me laugh..maybe SNL)

Like I said, I knew it would come. And I have been squarely hit by the spirit and am bearing witness to the power of clorox my friends.

So without further ado, I shall reference my clorox material. My history with the stuff. And my hopes that Stella and I will survive this one without any bathroom traumatics.

CLOROX

Now...back to the kitchen floor...my entire living room smells like the indoor pool of a Motel 8. I'm a cleanin machine.

Cheerio-

afterburn

2010-05-17T23:42:00.002-04:00

for the last three days (actually I believe it may have been getting "worse" for a few weeks now) I have been addicted (I wish there was a better, more hungry-sounding word) to reading...but the last few days it's been at it's peak...reading anything I can get my hands on. Like a pregnant woman to ice cream and pickles. The ingredients in my face lotion, magazine articles about things I don't even care that much about, online news (and even some propaganda just for kicks)...but mostly a book. And now I've finished Lacuna and tonight I realized my home has not been caring for itself in my absence...sigh.

Stella has created a nest out of the slew of papers strewn in the corner of my living room. She has scratched them into a sloppy circle with a small space of carpet in the center, and there she stays all day. I come home for lunch and she's there...and she doesn't budge. Now, of course when it is TIME for me to be home for the night she meets me at the door and rolls over, waiting for me to find her "bunkie" and toss it into the bedroom for her to retrieve. Nevermind that she's a cat.

So this is what has happened to me in the grips of the latest Kingsolver--And I'm not sure the book was even that addicting. Good, no doubt (did seem a smidge weaker than her others, but still very good) but it became the simple act of reading that ended up consuming my afternoon today and kept me indoors when the temperature outside was perfect for going for a jog--The picture of my apartment in it's neglect and disarray. a salt shaker on my living room windowsill, bedroom pillow in the armchair, the half-unpacked suitcase from my WV trip LAST weekend sitting open and rummaged through outside my bathroom, no toilet paper, no dishwashing detergent (consequently not that many dishes needing to be washed as I haven't seemed to eat much here lately...a microwaved bowl of soup, reheated pasta, popcorn)...Roberts mother would be appalled, thank God I'm quarantined off from the rest of my life for the time being...anyone would be ashamed of such a state I'm in. I've been determined to clean for a week now...hasn't happened.

I'm sure I will go on a cleaning tear any day now. Maybe even any minute. It seems to always take me a week or so to regroup from going out of town. I should get better at it seeing as how I've been travelling so much lately, but then again maybe that's the reason...haven't been here long enough to regroup before I'm off again, leaving this resort island any chance I get to taste my old life or see familiar faces. Sounds pathetic I know...I should really dig in and live it up while I'm at the coast, but my word...for all it's tourism and social happenings, this place can get lonely.

When I closed the book -- I saved two chapters at the end and plotted not to read them so it was never over...an old habit of mine that hasn't showed up in years, (welcome back you strange little self defense mechanism) -- I went to my bookshelf to finger through and see if there was possibly one in there I hadn't read...stolen from my brother's collection or unburied from the dusty shelves of the SC house...nothing caught my eye. So I called my mother back, then called Rob back, then sat back in my arm chair...and decided to blog.

Now, a grocery list...perhaps if I purchase the cleaning supplies I will feel obligated to use them...ah...psychology...and I'm off to bed. Adios.

mush

2010-05-16T22:20:00.002-04:00

Years ago my step-father confided in me as we were sitting on the deck looking at the stars and having drinks way past our bedtime, "Your mother is concerned that you'll never settle down, never be happy, with such high expectations. She thinks you will find fault in anyone and move on..."

(And after my second dog adoption she told me she believed I was surrounding myself with animals to "fill the void of a meaningful human relationship")

The truth is I saw too much fault in myself and still struggle with that, but less often...but that's another story all together. I had relationships, but she was right..."meaningful" wasn't in them.

So my mother wanted to know why...such picky wishful dreaming (there is probably a list of research supported ideas) but eventually I came to a point in life where I knew exactly what I wanted, as far fetched as it sounded to some...and I was getting tired of wasting my time pondering on one thing or another- props -I just wanted to be happy

"you just can't sing a depressing song when you're playing the banjo" - Steve Martin

Happy Birthday and Congrats, little brother

2010-05-11T19:00:00.000-04:00

This is a belated blog to commemorate my little bros 26th birthday AND his being offered a job around the same time. Much celebration was had. And for the first time in a long while all the cousins were together and I believe I speak for us all when I say we were a very happy bunch. My family is the best.

spamburger hamburger

2010-03-31T21:19:00.000-04:00

"jennifer jonhson" is getting on my nerves

she keeps sending me emails about auction processor positions and i can't make her stop!

c'mon gmail, learn the spam tags

speaking of head-hunters...of the sort

today while mailing a gift package and netflix, i was approached by a census taker guy. he told me i could make $13/hr working for the census after work and on the weekends. can i really pass that up? i mean, i live on a resort island...so it's not like i'll be traveling into the hood to get people to fill out their forms. i'm not even sure what the work entails, but i'm totally looking into it.....

then i found out his wife works for a company that my company contracts with. yet again another small world moment that happens nearly every waking hour since i've lived here. i'm telling you, by mid year i'm gonna know the entire population of st. simons island. i'm convinced.

well....it's been a while since i blogged and i missed this space, so this was the best i could come up with for now.

"you were there, and it was good in the beginning"

-peteyorn

cause life is short but sweet for certain....

2010-02-02T19:50:00.001-05:00

Last Thursday was moving day. I took a half day at work and met the little bro (who graciously packed my house on Wednesday and drove the truck to the island...b/c he's the best). Stefan and I hauled that truckload up into my (now smaller) dwelling space--and what will be my official home...at least until Jan 31st 2011--and there-began my nestling into a 1br/1ba condo on Barnes Plantation (no relation...however I can't deny the name may have been an unconscious selling point additional to being the nicest I saw)

Later that evening I met Robbie at the Jacksonville airport with two Fat Tire beers and enough time-worn affection to warrant an acknowledging nod from the security guard assigned the duty of shuffling parkers away from the pick-up curb. An hour drive back to my apt and the three of us successfully sought out a good dinner of oysters and shrimp at Catch 228 in Red Fern Village across from my place.

Location location location greets me again. There is nothing better than being less than 10 minutes from work and an even shorter walk to restaurants and shops on a cool south Georgia island.

Lots of unpacking and a few days of nursing a wheezy beaux later Rob and I meandered into town for some shopping and stopped at Coastal Kitchen for food and ale remedy on the porch....I might add we just happened to stay there a bit beyond happy hour after chumming up with the bartender and her bro who happens to work at a local kayak rental place and promised to show us around next time Rob is in town....

...between a late lunch and early dinner we took a quick break to stroll down between the boats in the marina below the restaurant.

Then after a few more hours and a few peel-n-eat shrimp (and a few more brews) we found our way home (eventually, since Rob was driving and I wasn't giving very good directions.... "what? you dont know the island?")

Sooo! What a great weekend! And what a great start to a new life in a new place.

Heres my shout-out:
Many thanks to Mom, Wayne and Stefan for the moving efforts and more support than one girl could ever ask for. I have the best family. If I go into that any further I might tear up.
Thank you Rob for supporting and sharing this new part of my life with me.
Regards to all of my friends and fam (Nana, Jackie, Sheila, Suzie) who have been so encouraging while I was in search of a new job and a new home. You know who you are!
Many warm thanks to my adoring real estate agent and former neighbor Parks (the only man I've ever baked for!) and his lovely wife Judy (who sweetly visited me at work yesterday! what an awesome surprise!).

...and a not so common thank you to the mistakes I've made, the detours I've taken and the lessons I've learned thus far down this road I have come to call my own. I appreciate everyone who has stuck by me through those times as well-

I'm absolutely positive I would have never made it to where I am without these wonderful blessings in my life.

Prince

2010-01-19T23:14:00.000-05:00

here's my newest two friends of the island...Prince and his Uncle Arnold out at the farm....and if I'm lucky I'll be mucking stalls in my spare time this spring/summer, soaking up the smell of hay and equines and shaping up the arms! With an added perk of working with this little Tennessee Walker...

Leaving town

2010-01-03T13:17:00.001-05:00

There's something refreshing about moving to a new place. And sometimes it's a bit bittersweet...In my case the only bitter part is moving farther south and I am a little sad to leave my sweet neighbors Parks and Judy, and Scott, Whitney and Harper...but I'm exceedingly happy to be leaving the town I have lived in for the last nearly four years. I haven't lived somewhere for this long since I moved to Georgia 10 years ago, and I believe the time to move on came and went several months ago...it's just taken me a minute to catch up.

So today I am packing the things I will need for my first week at work at a new job on St. Simon's Island. I will be the new Social Worker for Marsh's Edge, a beautiful retirement community on the northern corner of the island near the horse stables (<--for anyone who has ever been there you probably know where I'm talking about). At first I was a little reluctant to pursue another job in social services because the place I worked last was a 2yr nightmare...I try not to think about it too much, but it was a very bad experience that I know I'm still getting over. Nevertheless, I am hopeful that this will be a better company to work for and am thrilled to be finally living on the coast, where I have always wanted to reside for a while.

The only things in my house that I found myself packing more than a few of (as far as housewares go) were my coffee mugs. I'm not sure why I'm so attached to them, but I've been collecting handmade mugs for several years now and there are a few that I wouldn't feel right leaving behind, even temporarily. It might be silly to find comfort in material things, but each mug has a story that's close to my heart. There's the mug I was given as a housewarming present when I first moved to Newnan. It was from REI coworker Chip McCuiston who owns "The Signature Shop" with his wife Carr...a folk art gallery that always carries a wide selection of local art. The next mug is also from their shop, but was a Christmas gift from another good REI friend and coworker. Next up is the very 1st perfect coffee drinking mug I found at Mountain Made in West Virginia...stopping at that store happened to delay our leaving Thomas just long enough for the new-found Rob to get off work and ride with us to the airport, where we missed our flight due to slow snow traffic and had to spend the night in Pittsburgh. Last but not least the mug I found just this fall while exploring a hidden art gallery in Boone, NC with good buddy Jess. We were on our way to the Wooly Worm Festival and traffic was so bad we detoured on a mountain road that had equally bad traffic, so we decided to take a break and peruse. She spotted them first, and found what became her perfect coffee mug...and I purchased it's sister mug because I thought it was a good mug too.

So that's my mug story! Haha. And here I close. After today I will no longer be a resident of Newnan, Georgia and am looking forward to a fresh start in a new town with the smell of salt in the air, palm trees and live oaks sagging their branches like big outstretched arms.

"You say goodbye, I say hello. Hello hello."

what's that scritch scratchin

2010-01-02T12:09:00.001-05:00

It seems that's every new year has a different twist to it....some years I can remember staying in bed as long as possible trying to will away the side effects of the last nights imbibery, some I've been solo and sober from dusk to dawn...last year was a mild headache, good food and hanging with fam for the weekend. This year I was up before everyone else (probably b/c I was in bed before everyone else too. oops!) and yesterday afternoon mom and I went trekking in the woods to explore for old homesteads on the land around their house (and found one!)...lots of old cotton plantations in that area. Very interesting indeed. Particularly watching mom climb over a barbed wire fence.

I debated all day yesterday on whether to leave for Newnan then or wait until today. And eventually I decided I needed to hit the road, so I left their house around 9pm. That put me home around 10, and I unloaded the car, searched for some paperwork I needed to mail today and plopped down at the computer to check email and whatnot.

About that time I heard a noise. Shuffling and bonking around somewhere in or around my house. And my house is small, so I only knew the noise was coming from the side I was on...plus it was windy outside so I thought it might be a tree branch on the siding. But anyone who's ever had a critter in their house knows the unmistakable sound of...well, having a critter in your house. I crept into the kitchen to get a better idea of where it was coming from. Eased over to the kitchen door and waited to hear it again, but what I heard wasn't coming from outside, or even above me...it was scratching and scuttling around closer to...or perhaps even in...my oven? Well, I knew it couldn't actually be IN the oven, but it sure sounded like it was very very close to being in the oven. Then I heard a little clang and deducted it could be in the drawer under my oven. Now, I'm not an easily scared person when it comes to rodents so at first I was just a tad annoyed, but THEN I could hear it breathing. Yes! Breathing! Sniffing around like a doggie on the trail of something good....and quite frankly that's what it took to freak me out. Being after 11pm at that point I knew better than to think my neighbors would be up, or that they wouldn't panic if they got a call from me so late....so I sent a message to the only person I knew could help....too bad he lives 300+ miles away.

Instructions were to open the oven and let my cat do the work. Buuuuuut unfortunately my cat is also far away in South Carolina staying with her uncle Stefan until I'm settled into an apartment on the island. It is just little old me in the house for now, so that plan, while good, couldn't work. As the noises continued I began visualizing the Christmas tree scene from the Griswalds movie...me opening the oven drawer, squirrel leaping out and attacking my face...a fire starting somewhere...a toupee flying by...you know, carnage. I decided a non-confrontational approach was best, so the next set of instructions I got were to go into my bedroom, stuff a towel under the door and try to forget about it until morning. That sounded pretty darn good to me, so that's what I did. One towel, a dirty t-shirt and a moving box full of books were promptly used as a rodent barricade. I drifted off to sleep around 1am after flipping through the latest Coastal Living and a brief convo with RR while he corralled hound dogs at the house he's staying in for the weekend and settled in himself...thinking this is the only time in my life I'll wish I had his cat Almost in the same house as me.

This morning the sun was trying it's best to get through the closed curtains in my bedroom and I sunk further under the comforter...the house was chilly and quiet, no scampering, scuttling or scratching...and especially no heavy rodent breathing. I stretched out my feet to the bottom of the bed and in my grogginess thought I was pushing my foot up against my cat who usually sleeps on the bed with me. And after a few more seconds I remembered my cat wasn't here.

You know that feeling you get sometimes....that nasty insta-surge of adrenaline that's almost painful? Like when you're driving and it's been a little too long since you took a break from the pavement and your eyes do that crossing thing like you're about to dose off, then it scares you awake with that feeling; Or if you've ever almost been hit by another car...or if you almost lose your grip while bouldering...or if you hit an unexpected root on a really fast decent on a mtb trail...or if you almost trip and fall while walking in public.....OK....that was the feeling I got bright and early this morning that woke me directly from a very warm and comfortable dozing spell. Then I was afraid to move...evidently whatever it was last night had gotten out of the oven, found my room, infiltrated my barricade and gotten up on the bed with me--and whatever it was, I had just nudged it with my foot...what if I woke it up? Surely after nearly kicking it, it was only a matter of time before I was attacked....

But the attack never came, thankfully. And eventually I gathered the nerve to peek out over the covers and discover the two magazines I had left at the foot of the bed the night before.

Ah...such is life.

Home of Hospitality

2009-12-30T17:42:00.000-05:00

Spent a few days before Christmas in Charleston, WV. From across the Kanawha River Charleston sprawls along the valley line and up into the mountains like a modern folk art painting. Four or so inches of snow was still frozen on the ground when I arrived Monday evening but the temperatures while I visited were mild and in the upper 30s or 40s. Very nice.

This was my second 'adult' trip to West Virginia...my first being last November when a friend and I flew into PA and stayed in Thomas, WV...home of Mountain State Brewery and some very cool people. That trip was one of the best I can remember to date. I kept promising to visit again since that trip, and so a year and a month later, I made good on it. Explored a little in town while Rob was at work, fended off surprise attacks from his cat Almost and had the opportunity of meeting some of Rob's friends and the crew of KTM coworkers. Had a great time and hope to have the chance to visit again and explore some areas I didn't get to, perhaps even bring the Sur with for some mtb action.

Tomorrow is New Years Eve and I'll be heading a little farther south to the parent's for our annual NYE gala. Then Monday I begin a new beginning in a new town 5 hours even farther southeast...it's a good job, and it's on the coast, so I shall make the best of it. I'm thinking kayaking in the marsh channels will be a great new hobby of mine.

Happy 2010 all ye bloggers and passers by. I sure do hope it's a good one.

occasional benefits of hypochondria

2009-12-29T00:26:00.004-05:00

i apparently burned the shit out of my tongue last wednesday and of course have been fretting over it for DAYS now b/c it hasn't healed up as quickly as i wanted. no doubt b/c i've been messing with it incessantly. so tonight i finally determined it had not turned into cancer (because if my tounge had to be cut out due to cancer, i'd rather just die...sorry). then went in to the bathroom for a final gander in the mirror and just as i was becoming satisfied that the burned spot was indeed better, i discovered the underside of my tongue looked weird....

this is what happened with that google fret-fest...

http://boingboing.net/2008/06/10/what-is-on-keiths-to.html

239 comments over a 7 month period. i was so impressed i almost created an account to comment. made me laugh a lot (#14 among others) AND feel better particularly since my tongue sure as hell doesn't look like that.

my hypochondria may still be a smidge out of control at the moment tho

since i also got paranoid today after my PPD test (for TB) was administered...i thought i felt a strange soreness in the side of my neck and jaw. was convinced it meant i was probably positive for TB. walked around all afternoon thinking of how i would respond to the nurse when she looked under the bandaid to surely find a festering sore where the solution was injected..."sooo, does this mean i dont get the job?"

i'm kicking myself into bed now. before i come up with one more reason why i could die very soon

bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens

2009-12-08T13:57:00.006-05:00

Home (or what is still "home" via mortgage) after a weekend in the mountains followed by a day at the beach...I seem to have traveled a lot in the last four days. Actually, there's no seeming about it. I've been in the car far longer than I'd like to be...but there are costs and benefits in everything, yes.

Friday found me driving to Hot Springs, NC to meet my WV comrade Rob at 'Hound Heaven,' a pet (and pocket) friendly cabin along the "dramatic climb" up Spring Mountain. Some of my few good friends and hiking buddies know how I feel about Hot Springs...so even after I had begrudgingly decided that a winter retreat with Rob before his hectic ski season began was just a little too impossible, he somehow managed to unknowingly find a place that no life crisis or rock slide could deter me from getting to.

There may be nothing blatantly special about Hot Springs. Certainly there's special stuff there, but there are countless camp sites along the French Broad River, I can soak in a natural hot spring right here in Georgia and there's plenty of teeny mountain towns that are within close(r) proximity to a grocery store or cell tower. What makes this place so compelling is difficult to explain but to me it just is. From the moment I first tumbled (quite literally, I might add) into this quaint little town almost 10 years ago I began to love it as if it held some magical hidden portal to another dimension where feeling and dreaming and living are impossible concepts to avoid...and maybe that's the best descriptive--or maybe it's just me--though Southern Living gave it a glowing nod in this November's issue.

Saturday morning we woke up to the stillness that comes with new snow. To my glee it flurried and peppered through our mid-morning breakfast and continued while we ventured down and about in town, dipping in and out of the less-than-a-handful of shops, finding super sale items in tucked away bins of the cozy outfitter store, trying to get the perfect picture from the bridge over the river and exploring nooks and crannies of the eversohumble neighborhood (which took about 45 seconds). We found new insoles for my shoes, strange voodoo dolls (craftily disguised as Christmas ornaments), uncommon wines and a favorite little cabin we both chattered about building for the duration of the drive back up into the mountainside...only interrupted by a discussion of how I would furnish a rocky crevice home if I were a small Faeiry creature and how to effectively heat it in the winter months... musings of mine that Rob always kindly humors and often graciously joins in on. We made a quick obligatory stop at a lookout for a few photos then hauled it up to the cabin, fully intent on taking the dogs for a long and rigorous hike--a hike that ended up being a not-so long or rigorous trek between the warm innards of our cabin and the warm innards of the hot tub on the deck...champagne and WV Melomel honey wine in tow.

That night we descended back into town for dinner at the bed and breakfast and post- dinner brews at Rock Bottom pub. This is a favorite activity of mine, not only because I enjoy drinking good beer (btw the Highland Gaelic Holiday Ale is superb), but because late night encounters in Hot Springs are one of the most entertaining parts of a visit there. After finding a few seats at the bar, Robbie's attention was snatched by Hank, a small old leprechaun-like man with frizzy reddish hair and beard, half a mouth of snaggle-teeth and lots of talk about life and hard labor. I caught up on the last few years of town happenings with our bartender, Brenda, who also shared with me her own family history, her two childrens accomplishments, and exactly what "stocking up" means when you live in a valley-town 20miles, 40mins and a hundred hair-pin turns from the closest grocery store. Rob and I sneakily loaded up the excessively modern electronic jukebox with Waylon, Merle and a choice few others and then were invited to a doubles game of pool with an older local who I called 'Chief' and a much younger 'Davis' who was in town staying with his uncle (and who was a little too into Widespread Panic). We left with full bellies, a night of laughter and the knowledge that we would most likely never see this selection of people again, regardless of when we returned.

Sunday morning we slept in and then began the task of packing up and leaving what had been an irreplaceable weekend getaway. We loaded up the cars just as the bells were ringing from the church across the meadow from our cabin. Missed breakfast-time in town and conceded to lunch at the diner where we laughed about our weekend, eyeballed my road atlas and the miles btw us, got the scoop from the locals on what time the Christmas parade was starting (aka, when to git while the git'n was good) and talked about the next time we might meet...when the waitress took our plates I assumed the frowny "don't wanna leave" face and Rob followed with "oh lord I know, we go through this every time"...and shortly thereafter we parted ways. He began the climb into hill country and I began the long swoop down through Blue Ridge, Saluda and Green River Gorge, stopping briefly for soup and conversation with the brother before heading home to Georgia.

Yesterday morning bright and early mom and I drove 5 hours southeast to St. Simon's Island where I had an interview. Along the way we completed two Sunday crosswords and discussed our favorite items in the L.L.Bean Christmas catalog. After my interview we grabbed a fireside dinner at Crabdaddy's (highly recommend it) and hit I-95 North to again head homeward. The ride back we were too tired for crosswords so we discussed school, family, how glad we were to have left SC when we did, relationships, flannel-lined corduroys, good books and the meaning of life.

I climbed in bed, appropriately delirious, around 1:30am only to toss and turn with strange and disruptive dreams of floods and annoying neighbors (though i live no where near a flood zone and my real-life neighbors are fabulous). Woke up this morning long before I wanted to and have been plodding around the house ever since... unpacking, shuffling things around without really putting them away, wondering if I should call my real estate agent and postpone our meeting until tomorrow, coddling my socially anxious cat, Stella...and, well, blogging.

And once again here I close my (apparently) monthly blog to cyberspace. Until next time.

"like twilights to her dusky hair"

2009-11-14T10:59:00.000-05:00

...that was the subject line of the first message in my gmail "spam" folder this morning

i just had to share it with someone...

life

you just can't make this shit up

old meanderings

2009-10-05T15:59:00.001-04:00

THE PACK-AND-SHIP BUSINESS WITH
TOM JONES
AND HIS GIRLFRIENDS OF FLIRT
AT FOUR DIFFERENT STOPS
EACH MAKING GIFTS AT EASTER OR CHRISTMAS
AT A DISCOUNT FOR HIS WIFE

HE'D SKIP LUNCH TO COLLECT TIME
THEN STAND ELBOWING A BOX
WHILE I COUNTED THE CASH DRAWER AND HE
TALKED ABOUT THE WORLD BIZARRE AT 20 AND
OF HOW THINGS WERE DIFFERENT BACK WHEN
THEN I WAS FOUR AND HE WAS....
BUT DRINKING AGES WERE LOWER ANYWAY

HE LEARNED WHEN WE SAY 'GOOD MORNING' WE SHOULD
MEAN IT, YOU KNOW--NOT LIKE HOW
HOT APPLE CIDER IS WARM AND TASTES FINE
BUT GROWS COLD, STALE

AND I LEARNED THAT RING BOXES CAN SOMETIMES HOLD
NOT THEIR INTENDED CONTENT, BUT MORE OF WHAT WE'RE
CONTENT INTENDING

HE SAID HE THOUGHT I'D BE JUST FINE
WHEN I FINALLY RESIGNED ON THE 15TH OF WINTER
AND HE CHANGED HIS ROUTE TO ELSEWHERE-
ONLY ONE WOULD LET HIM ELBOW BOXES DURING
OPEN HOURS
AND WE SEEMED TO HAVE CLOSED
AS QUIETLY AS AN EARLY SUNDAY MORNING
BUT WHEN I'M IN TOWN I STILL KEEP AN EYE
FOR AN SUV TAG READING
"MY OTHER CAR IS A BIG BROWN TRUCK"

R.L.BARNES 2002

observations in a bachelors bathroom

2009-09-25T09:18:00.002-04:00

Visiting South Carolina almost always begins with a bang. Usually peeters out after about 72 hrs with is also my tolerance limit for being up here. I left Newnan yesterday around noon and had a pretty good drive up (even though somehow SC is hotter AND more humid than GA at the moment). When I arrived at our SC house my brothers car was there but the house was on lock down, so I figured he was undoubtedly out working the land somewhere in our 74acres of woodage. While tying out the doggies I heard the sound of a tractor coming up by our fathers old workshop...so I had been correct about where and what Stefan was up to (well, actually I never found out what he was up to, but he detached a scraper so I'm guessing he was out scraping something...?). I walked out to my old horse barn where he was and stood in front of the stable until he noticed me (he was wearing earplugs so between them and the engine noise I didn't bother yelling)...then I learned out to drive a tractor...weeeeeeeee!!!

So, not to stray from the usual day-one festivities I accepted an invite to attend a pre-wedding-party-party (I know...) with my aunt. The wedding will most likely be ridiculously lavish as the mother of the groom spends her free time hosting weddings in and around her gorgeous plantation home in Duncan, SC....so she's well-read in the wedding industry. Not to mention who in the world (other than a Newnan couple I've recently met) has so many pre-rehearsal party parties?? Okay. Anyway, Sheila and I attended a very nice little soiree in the downtown Greer area and then tore ourselves away after a few hours of tidbits, wine and lots of chatter, to have real food and drink a few doors down at BIN112...another nice little nook.

Once back at Sheilas I plopped on the couch and decided I'd probably just stay the night at their house since I'd consumed a modest amount of awesome alcoholic bevs and had a full belly to boot. Made a semi-buzzed dial to WV Rob and talked with him for entirely too long (per Sheila) about fleas...but, well, we're both having problems with them! so we were venting..."AHY KNOOOOOW! I can't get rid of them EITHER!!!"...

This morning I woke up pretty early (after sharing the bed with their greatdane/pitbull pup Mackie) and meandered into the kitchen to see who was up. No one was in the kitchen so I decided to go check out my post-festivities face and chicken-hair. In my cousins bathroom I found what prompted me to blog this morning. And I haven't been on here in a while so it's probably about darn time.

Washing my hands I begin to observe the scatterings on my cousins sink counter. To my right there are four different kinds of toothpaste (?), a pair of toenail clippers, deoderant and a few other "normal" bathroom accessories. To my left is where it got interesting. One camoflague walkie talkie (on it's charger), one metal protractor, one medium-sized rubber mallet, one pair of electric clippers, a small note pad, a ziploc baggie with kleenex and gauze pads inside, an electric toothbrush (unplugged but in the charging receptacle), 3 different phone chargers, a hand/knife-sharpened pencil nubbin, baby powder and a bottle of rubbing alcohol....fun huh?

Then I meandered back into the living room, let their four dogs outside, sat down in the Florida room to type this blog, let the four dogs back inside, checked my bank account (yessss, there WAS one last paycheck), paid a few bills and am now going to adios the blog and head for the coffee pot. Wondering what day-two will bring...

tootle-oo little blog :)

recovery, day 12

2009-08-13T11:11:00.003-04:00

even though i have avoided semi-public announcement of my current situation, i felt inclined to blog this morning, and so this is the only large event that has occurred as of late.

ok. to begin at the beginning.
august 1st found me sprawled on a riverbank after having falling from the top, and landing quite heavily on a jutting root and a few rocks near the water. the first thing that crossed my mind after landing was, "damn i landed on my back, am i paralyzed," and while the pain was enough to make one hesitant to move, my second thought after assuring myself i had landed just to the left of my spine, "is anything broken." Finishing the hike was torturous but the dogs had fun. and for the next two or three days i hobbled around convinced i had fractured my pelvis. the pain was incredible. fortunately i had a good friend fly in the very same day of the accident, and he was there when it happened (equally horrified by my calamity) so graciously, although my guest, he probably served more as my asssistant until he flew out the following tuesday.

he had driven us everywhere since the accident, so tuesday he got us to the airport and i drove home and strait to the doctors office at st. francis hospital to get it all checked out. hours of waiting later i crawled onto an xray table and turned in all the painful positions the radiologist asked me to, even returning at his request to have more exams (god nows how many different kinds of "rays" went through my abdomen) to rule out spinal damage. only to find out later that my doctor was out of town and wouldn't read the results until wednesday. that was a bit disappointing to say the least. so i got my excuse from work for that day and drove home, moaning all the way, to wait.

once home i realized getting out of the car was nearly impossible. getting up the hill to my front door even more daunting, and once in the house i had no idea what to do. sitting down was painful so i hobbled around in the kitchen fidgeting with the mail that had accumulated on the counter. at this point it was around 6pm. the continuing tragedy began around 6:30 when i dropped a bill on the floor, accidentally of course, and kneeled--ever so carefully--to retrieve it. what can only be explained as the feeling of being hit with a cattle prod landed me in the floor in less than a second, and there i stayed for a few minutes, completely frustrated with my situation, and quite depressed from then 4 days of untreated severe back pain. all i could do was bawl and call my mom.

an hour later mom picked me up and we drove to newnan piedmont emergency room. at that point the pain drew tears immediately so i'm sure i looked like a mess. surprisingly they got me into a room after about 45minutes of waiting in triage. then went through the same routine of getting on an exam bed, telling the doc where it hurt, and heading for the xray room. but this time i had a little more care. kim, the radiology nurse, was fantastic. she wouldn't let me do a thing for myself, which i was thankful for. getting on the xray table was excrutiating, then turning ONTO my hurt side was as you can imagine, quite bad. so once that was over i finally got the answer that nothing was broken.

while i was relieved to not have 6-8 weeks of recovery and possible surgery ahead of me, i was overwhelmed with the disappointment of still not KNOWING what was causing the pain. the ER doc diagnosed me with contusion and severe lower back strain, gave me some heavy pain medication and told me to stay out of work for a week and follow up with an ortho as soon as i could if the pain didn't subside within a few days. being that the pain hadn't subsided in the 4 days since the accident, i was the slightest bit unenthusiastic of the notion it would miraculously remedy in two or three more, nor was i satisfied with the diagnosis.

fortunately as the days passed and with assistance from the pain medication i was able to do a little bit more with a little less pain. i saw the orthopedic doctor on monday who diagnosed a deep bone and muscle bruise of my left pelvis and left lower ribs. he prescribed an anti-inflammatory and was glad i had taken the pain meds and muscle relaxers sparingly (that stuff will knock you out for a day or more, not good) and then yesterday--11 days after the accident--i drove my manual honda for the first time with only moderate discomfort. granted i only went down the street and back, but it was a step in the direction of healing that i'm glad of. being home-bound for almost two weeks has been difficult. but going to work before i'm a little more put-together would naturally be impossible, so here i am. day 12 of what will most likely be a month or two of slow but sure recovery. the pain in my back is now more isolated to the hip area and what used to be occasional severely sharp pains has evolved into a constant ache, like having a migraine headache in my back....of course not pleasing and keeps me up at night more often, but i think it's a sign of healing. i plan to return to work monday, and see how it goes from there.

And as i close this novella--here's my shout-out. my sincere appreciation to Robbie and Mom, who carried the bulk of the weight of my injuries, the Newnan ER team, my dogs Maggie and Basil who have been very patient with my inability to take them for walks, my boss and coworkers Sarah, Melanie, Tonya, Jenny and Henry who have been very understanding or have checked in on me from time to time (despite my antisocial tendencies), and to dear Amy and the hilarious "ladies club" (as i call them) of newnan who took me under-wing and hauled my crippled butt out a few times so my cabin fever wasn't quite so bad over the past two weeks. Thanks. I mean it.

The End!

2009-05-15T12:04:00.001-04:00

When life gets you down, look to the tao of pooh-

2009-05-01T08:55:00.002-04:00

Many thanks to the person who emailed me this. Hopefully it'll make someone else chuckle a little too.

walk in the park

2009-04-22T23:24:00.001-04:00

So. Basil can swim. Maggie isn't afraid of water (or big ass snakes) and we had a great time meandering around at Cochran Mill park on Monday. Here are my obligatory child-photos. I warn you, I will be almost as annoying as a new parent for a while! Haha :) Love them!

Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships ~James Shuber

2009-04-20T19:40:00.003-04:00

Ahh. And just when I thought I couldn't quite pinpoint my sincere intolerace of some guys--a perfect quip just JUMPS out at me and I realize that if nothing less, someone else has gone through the same shit enough to have come up with a good line for it.

life is so rough

2009-04-19T22:32:00.002-04:00

Saturday at the office with mom was very difficult. Evidently.

A quiet house is no place to live.

2009-04-14T18:26:00.003-04:00

We long for an affection altogether ignorant of our faults. Heaven has accorded this to us in the uncritical canine attachment. ~George Eliot

well.....

2009-04-13T20:24:00.007-04:00

this sweet girl was the reason I went back to the pound today. After the loss of my puppy finally became a too much to bear anymore, a close friend shared that the only other solution was to get another. I went to www.petfinder.com and visited her last week, then over Easter weekend she was placed on the "urgent" list, and that was all it took. I had to have her. I named her Basil.

She is 100% good old black labrador. And definitly has been someones indoor pet. I have joked that she has stated on several occasions since her adoption, "ahem, I was told I'd get a fan and tevo. Could you please check my contract?"

And this little pumpkin (below) was also at the pound the first time I went. She was so sweet and docile. Marked as 1 year old, so a little young for my age-range, but I promised her then that if I came back I would get her. Today after going in to pick up the big girl, this little Shepard-mix sat perfectly still, looked at me dead in the eye and said to me, "I have been quiet. I have been sweet. I have not barked once. If you leave me now, I know you'll never be back."

And I started to cry. So I got both. Her name is Maggie.

I am terribly in love with them both. And I suppose the feeling is probably mutual.

all dogs go to heaven

2009-04-09T20:49:00.007-04:00

so this is all I can muster. I'm not sure it's possible to fully grieve the loss of a pet you have loved and raised. I'm not sure I'll ever get over it.

Here's to you sweet Louise. You are so very missed.

Louise Lu-Lu Barnes
March 13 2008 - March 30, 2009

The dog is a gentleman--I hope to go to his heaven, not man's.
~Mark Twain, letter to W.D. Howells, 2 April 1899

curiosity killed the cat...and the bank account!

2009-03-25T20:24:00.004-04:00

NOTE: IF YOU HAVE A WEAK TUMMY, DON'T LOOK ON!

After a long and late drive home from visiting family in SC, I walk in to find Stella Luna in a pickle. I cleaned and bandaged what could, gave her a good dose of antibiotics I saved from our last vet escapade and went to bed. The next day found me arguing with the local vet office, debating on whether to treat it on my own or making the drive to Columbus, GA to the tried and trusted Benning Animal Clinic. I choose the latter. A good dose of "kitty dope" later we got her cleaned up and discovered more than the one bite wound. I then shelled out all my birthday earnings to Dr. Keri for a job well done, yet again, on my mischevious animals.

This is what happens when kitty talks smack to the wrong tom.

Somewhere over the rainbow.....

2009-03-25T19:57:00.004-04:00

The piceans united in Woodland Georgia for family commune and to celebrate our birthdays. Lauren and I had a wonderful time, everyone was fantastic and she and I both got a good dose of "attention" that was appreciated and enjoyed all night. As we tortured the "photographers" with our incessant judging of "bad shots" someone in the side lines was watching. Video camera in hand. And while potentially embarassing, this is why I love this woman as my best friend and soul-sister. to goofiness, happiness and being loved for who we are by our family....

some violent and disturbing content, and language

2009-02-20T02:01:00.004-05:00

this was the precurser to the film i watched tonight (The Changling)

but. ahem. at what point in time did "language" escape the realms of "content" ??

and quinton terintino has been in the last two movies i've seen. and if i see one MORE film with the Burn Notice dude in it i'll scream. he's so...i don't know. something's just wrong with him. why is he so popular???

i am obviously way out of the movie scene these days.

and apparently in need of netflix. anyone want to gift me a few months?

have been flu-sick this week and out of work. my rest caught up with me today so i'm up late but beginning to wane. actually looking forward to work tomorrow.

even though my energy level is still faltering, i started feeling better around 7pm and am about ready to crash again for a few hours sleep. a few days of work (god help me. theres no telling what's in store when i go back) then i'm going to my parents for a few days. mom has met her limit on time away from south carolina so it means that daddy-wayne and i will have some paw-daughter time which is always a pleasure.
bed

Model Girl

2009-02-14T21:39:00.002-05:00

got a few pictures from Kevin's recent trip to NY with his daughter Meg. Considering I bonded with her as "dad's girlfriend" for over 2 years ( I know that's not much to some of you, but it is to me) I feel privelaged to post some great photos. She's grown up quite a bit since I first knew her, and I have to say she's turned out quite lovely. So this is Megan Justice.

LISTLESS

2009-01-31T11:20:00.002-05:00

adjective; having or showing little or no interest in anything; languid; spiritless; indifferent

Isn't it such a blah way to describe oneself? But here's me in a nutshell these days. Not that I don't make great efforts every day to FIND something to strike my fancy, perk me up, pick me up.... but there isn't anywhere within reach at the moment to offer any comfort. Work. Home. both places I don't really enjoy being right now. Both places surrounded and filled up by insincerity and confusion.

It's odd when some relationships end you feel a little lost and eventually move on, and then in some you feel gutted. royally screwed. endlessly bitter. And then some just leave you feeling...for lack of less-cliche wording--wounded--not mortally and nothing catastrophic. but just enough to take your breath away a little and knock you off balance. and the amount of hurt surprises you with intensity. just enough that you have a little smidge of fear lurking in your mind whispering "look now. everything could fall apart if you just let go. look how careless you were with your feelings. look how clumsy"

And then some jobs seem promising. They start out really well and the little red flags that popped up from time to time were nothing to sniff at. Easy to get over and forget. Then one day a big fire-engine red one jumps into your face and you think "what the hell have I gotten myself into this time?"

For shits and giggles, lets toss into the equation that your house is quite literally falling apart. One cracked wall here, one sunken floorboard there, and oh, notice the ceiling in the guest room....or that stomach-sinking soft spot in the roof that you notice while cleaning the gutters.

All of it put together looks like a big kings chair. And you can't help but just sit in it and think...where do I begin now. Where do I start to work to make things better.

I'm sitting. And all I have here is this little miniature chisel--to craft something beautiful out of this heavy thing....

Over the river and through the woods.

2008-11-29T12:26:00.002-05:00

my handsome brother and me. Turkey Day at Nana's house.

curiosity killed the cat

2008-11-19T21:16:00.004-05:00

i've been pondering abandoning the face-poo for the old blog. i sortof miss the blogging days. much more stimulating and much less cluttered with random useless applications. (no offense to those who collect them all, seriously)

tonight over dinner with mom and her coworker I realized that this past Saturday (the 15th) was the 1st year anniversary of the day I closed on my little Newnan bungalow. awwww.

just returned from an amazing trip to northern West Virginny. beautiful countryside and a great place to visit for a few days. many many thanks to Willy, Robbie and Chip for making me laugh so hard my stomach hurt for days! and if anyone ever travels to Thomas, WV--be sure to stop by Mountain State Brewery for some sweet suds.

at work we are in "audit mode" as no one escapes the eyes of the government. but i suppose someone has to do it. might as well be....you know....them.....shhhh. so everyone has to be in at 7:30am until our preliminary review is over. then beginning in february we'll be getting to work at 7am until the state actually does come in to kick-ass and take names. it's hard to believe we're prepping for 2009 and it seems like we just celebrated our great turnout from this past march. hopefully we'll be even better next year.

i'm excited to have been invited on a plane ride next monday. i dont think i've been in a small plane since i was 13ish. at least this time i wont be steering! nor will we be flitting over the gusty dunes of kill devil hills!

i miss my best friend who's out in arizona somewhere (are you still out there?) i'm sending love and good karma over the cyber waves to you lapo :) and heith of course! my next vaca is going to be out to see them. wherever they are. i've spent enough time on this side of the country.

enough of this for now.

cheers to all (or none! eek)

ahh. summer days.

2008-11-01T23:57:00.004-04:00

well, summer has come and gone, but i reminisce.
labor day weekend mom, stefan, jack nevins and i ventured to the old roosevelt pools they open once a year to take a "dip in the past" in the mineral warm springs. it was a fun time. literally like going back in time and great fun. thank you mom and stef and jack for venturing back into our childhood personas (minus stefan being a buggar and splashing everyone!)

sometimes the picture speaks for it'self....

2008-10-05T14:27:00.001-04:00

one part sun, one part sand, two parts trickery

2008-07-08T15:43:00.002-04:00

the sounds of a jet overhead are going up and down, like blowing across the top of a beer bottle with only the suds and a little liquid sloshing in the bottom.

Dear Blog,

It's been a while, so I'll keep it short and to the point.

Summer is in full throttle and I didn't even notice winter pass by except that I had to put my favorite argyle sweater away after sweating it out a few days at the office.

I work with the elderly. For some reason I connect with older folks than younger ones, particularly those my age, which is also probably why I'm still "single"....or at least not in a relationship that will go anywhere fullfilling...but then, what is fullfilling. Maybe just a socially-imparted idea of what a 26 yr old female is suppose to be looking for. hmmm.

but then again, I was never that great at philosophy.

I have new a pup and an almost-year-old-to-me home, Stella is still as neuroic as I've raised her to be, my car from high school still loyally plugging along. The brother is digging into his first out of college engineering job making more than I have managed to in three years of ladder-climbing, mom and Wayne will celebrate an anniversary in marriage in Sept and in owning the "Big House" just after my "Little House" anni in November. Things move along. Just as time deems them too.

recently learned that mosquitos carry heartworm to dogs, so I suppose we should stick to the prevention remedy seeing as the buzzers around my Newnan home are as large and daring as mice to a cheesed trap! I've so far ignored the fleas my cat is scratching at and trying to budget as much as possible for the ever-rising price of petro. Someone tells me they make hydrogen cars now....only problem is you have to move to one of two places in California to fuel them. clincher!

it's a lazy summer 80 degrees in the shade of the porch and there's a fountain in the marsh river beyond our condo that is setting the tempo for the tunes of afternoon bugs and heat. all in all, it's relaxing. i dont leave until tomorrow.

the holiday shuffle!

2008-01-02T17:00:00.001-05:00

WHEW! this holiday season has whizzed by like a flash!

I closed on and moved (mostly) into my new home just before the Thanksgiving trip. Finished the moving right after we returned, and am still unpacking, liquidating, realizing THIS IS MY HOUSE! WOO HOO. I was happy with the home, but too stressed with work, and a little gift from the universe came floating to me in the form of a new job. I'll be starting there Jan 7th and am looking forward to it with great immensity. The first week of the new year I have OFF, and it's great. Though I'm sad that the other women I've worked with are still in the hellish environment I have somehow crawled out of. Not to mention I will miss the kids and families I've worked with. I reconcile with myself that I did what I could, and will do better elsewhere.

(my scraggly little Christmas tree snuggled into the living room)

(this is me with two of the most wonderful boys I've ever worked with. Their kind family invited me to their Christmas play and Chris and Caleb humored me with a kodak moment! They are so cute! I wish all the best to the Caballero family)

Thanks-giving

2008-01-02T16:18:00.000-05:00

Turkey-day eve found us boarding a plane to Maryland. We loaded up in the rental Durango and headed to Ocean Pines where we stayed for three days with Dad and Judy. That VERY freezing and blustery Friday John took us to Asseteague National Seashore where I had a surprise nuzzle from a curious wild pony and we played daily with Kevin's BEAUTIFUL neice Mya. Saturday we drove up to Westminster where Kevin spent his early years. There we went Christmas-tree fetching with Kev's sister Kim, her husband Rajen (thanks for the tour of your fancy store!~) and their two handsome boys. Visited with Kevins surrogate parents Mr and Mrs Meerdter and then said adios to the northern sector and took the long flight home. I missed my own family's Thanksgiving celebrations, but I'm glad I was able to enjoy my time with such a great bunch of folks. Most of Judy's family is from my fav city Savannah, so I fit right in! And no one really minded my heavy southern accent either :)

(the crew. Jim, Kev, Kristen, John & Mya at Asseteague)

(here's your sign!)

(Kev and his Dad at their Ocean Pines resort!)

(Kevin and me at the Christmas tree farm in Westminster)

(thank you Maria for coming up and hanging out! I had a great time! and am in midst of a LONG email to ya)

(the oh-so-cute Mya! Compliments of Kevin's sweet sister Kristen and her hubby Jim)

BOO!

2007-10-31T20:26:00.001-04:00

for all the years I've wished for a home with multitudes of trick-or-treaters, I have NEVER met my match as I just did at my house in Newnan, GA.

holy monsters! at one point I opened the door and before i even saw a masked face i heard a parent say "wait jacob, theres a line, wait your turn"....i peeked around the corner of my door to see about 30 costumed children. all muttering and yelping "trick or treat!" --down the road, crowds and crowds of children ventured from house to house to gather treats. it was fantastic!

and a little overwhelming. i ran out of $30 worth of candy before dark, and flipped off the porch light before i had to give bad news to the next round of spidermen, storm troopers, cinderellas, pirates, fairy princesses and gypsies....better luck next year.

the big victorian home across the street had a great display, with lights and spooky music playing until 7pm.

after scraping the bottom of the candy cauldron, i snuck upstairs to watch the late evening halloween goers (the ones i wish i still had candy for, because halloween is only really fun after dark) next year i'll play up a big shabang, and hopefully have a pumpkin carving party for all the friends who still dont mind driving way down (or up, or over) to newnan.

on my way home from work, i saw one house where the owners were dressed up like the adams family. face paint and all. and at first i felt bad that i didn't put that much effort into halloween. but then i though. shoot, when you're retired you can do that sort of thing!" and settled on being a good treater just for having some candy.

and i stress "candy" because during our visit to "wal-fart" as it is so endearingly called by beaux kev, i stated that i wanted to give "healthy" treats. like apples and granola bars. and was immediately corrected and stood so as i realized i was verging on becoming "one of those" who seem to RUIN halloween by giving such "treats" that totally evade the purpose of children gaining as much chocolate and sugar as possible. i remembered dumping my pumpkin bucket out in the living room floor and being entirely too excited about milky way bars and kit kats, and only caring for the boxes of raisins because when empty you could make deafening whistles and squeals with them. haha. so i bought bags and bags of CANDY. good old mini candy bars, goobers, pixie stix!, warheads, doublebubble, malted balls and sugar daddys.

right before i ran out, i was sitting on the front porch with my bowl of goodies, and i heard a little boy yell from down the street "hey daddy, a light! yay! a porch light!" because most of the houses around here had resigned themselves for the night. and i giddily wished them all a happy halloween and dumped the rest of my sugary bounty into their orange cellophane bags.

a few "good" parents made sure their kids said "thank you" and i heard threats to take away some treat bags if their kiddies weren't saying it. hilarious. some little kids were so terrified by the really scary costumes that they were already crying by the time they got to my porch. hah. i didn't even have time to dress up so it wasn't me. but there were a few masks that even spooked me!

and so a good time was had by myself and my terribly inquisitive kitties, who, being black, made a feast of being the great center of attention this time of year.

so Happy Halloween to all. and to all a good night.

yesterday

2007-10-26T16:09:00.001-04:00

i remembered that there were several occasions that my dad would pick me up from school to take me to the orthodontist. or the dentist maybe. but i only remember it was just him and me. and on the way home we almost always stopped by the TCBY in spartanburg because i seem to remember it was a ritual of ours. and i would always get the rasberry yogurt and dad got the cookie dough ice cream though he preferred neopolitan at home. but then they stopped making the rasberry, so we both would get the cookie dough soft icecream in a big cup.

come to think of it it's pretty funny that my father took us to an ice cream parlor after leaving the dentist. it must've been the ortho. i just dont think dads psychosis would have allowed him to buy his child ice cream after the "fluoride treatment"

anyway it was one day we stopped and i dont know why i was with him because we had definitly gone to the dentist for him to have a tooth pulled. maybe i really had had my teeth cleaned. and maybe mom had met us there and stefan had ridden home with her. i just dont remember much about those things. but i would only go to dr. wynn if dad was there because i never wanted to sit in the chair by myself i always had to sit on top of dad. hah. i mean, i was a serious daddys girl. no wonder mom didn't like me that much.

but i remembered this one occasion that on the way home (and after getting icecream) we had stopped in traffic and i was laughing because he had been given novacaine so his face was numb and he kept drooling out of the corner of his mouth and had opened the door to spit (in case you're wondering, not "to spit" like a redneck with chew, but to spit, like, out of necessity...okay whatever). But he couldn't really spit well because his mouth was so numb and he ended up getting more saliva on his face anyway. And he was trying to give me the "scientific" reasons why his face was numb and telling me if i ever had my mouth numbed at the dentist to be careful that i not bite my lip because it would swell up and be injured even though i woudlnt feel it (of course, this i simply thought was absolutely cool and always planned to bite my lip if i ever had it numbed. and i think i actually did once and had a "busted" lip for a week or so) and then he bit his lip accidentally. it was pretty funny.

"the lion sleeps tonight" is always in the background of these memories because it was one of our favorite songs to sing. and he always sang the high parts. haha.

so as you probably already know. these times we were in the car, we always listened to oldies. 93.3 to be exact. when they were an oldies station. it was like an addiction. so we were almost back to wdf and i dont remember why. it seems that there were always understood reasons that were never spoken about. but instead of going home or back to school or wherever it was that i guess we were supposed to have gone. we drove past the wdf house and down to van patton shoals and we got out of the jeep and walked down to the bridge and looked over at the water and finished eating the cookie dough smoothies.

i just remembered that a few weeks ago. i dont know why.

and last time time i was in SC i cleaned out my bedroom closet and threw a ton of crap away. and i came across a program to this concert dad took me to. it must have been in 1992 or 93. about 4 or 5 groups of "oldies" singers reunited at the spartanburg memorial auditorium. and i wore a kelly green notre dam sweatshirt and some cheap imposter perfume i'd gotten at rite aid that i thought smelled really good. it was one of those "if you like Emerald, you'll love _________" in the little mini aerosol cans.

i remember being slighly terrified. but it was probably one of the best experiences of my childhood.

and thumbing through the pages of that program, i realized almost every single member of each group that was there had autographed it and written little things to me. you know, like "best wishes to Rachel" and "Dear Rachel, keep on rockin!" though i can't remember getting all of them. i do remember being afraid of all the grown ups there. some of them were drunk. and most of that night is naturally pretty fuzzy just from years that have passed adn clouded that occasion.

but i remember dancing in the aisle. and i remember the Platters and singing "peppermint twist" at the top of my lungs and knowing it was okay to yell because dad was doing it too.

these are things i remember that made my childhood really, really good.

so to all the dads out there who do stuff like this with your kids.

thank you.

A Perfect Summer Vacation

2007-10-11T18:36:00.000-04:00

Better Late than Never

2007-09-29T17:14:00.000-04:00

On Sept. 9th Mom and Wayne celebrated their first anniversary together. They went to Atlanta and stayed at the Marriot for a week--snooped around all the museums and swanky resturants they could find.

They managed this little adventure despite the fact that Wayne suffered a heart arrythmia on the preceding Wednesday. Doctors suspected a heart attack, but luckily it wasn't quite as serious. Think good thoughts for him as he begins to whip back into shape and keep an eye on his fluttering heart.

Heard it in a song

2007-09-29T13:36:00.001-04:00

this morning on my way home from oil change, coffee and amusing myself in our palmetto garden, and, as i listened to my favorite country music station, i heard a song that helped me nail down a few ofthe reasons why i love my job, and particularly, why i love working with teenagers, when so many people toss their hands in the air. the chorus is some part of an explanation:

can't think of the singer at the moment. but he summed it up nicely.

we were wanna be rebels that didn't have a clue
with our rock-n-roll t-shirts and a typically bad attitude
didn't have exucuses for the things we had done
we were brave we were crazy we were mostly
young

i love the bad attitude of teenagers. why? because they deserve to have one, and if they dont, i wonder what is wrong. because teenagers get a raw deal from society. and especially from adults. which is ridiculous. because can't anyone remember what it felt like to wake up in the morning at 15 years old. how about 17.

now. imagine you're in foster care.

right. bad attitude. and i'm right there to soak it up and let them know it's okay! have a bad attitude, because it'll pull you through all the hurt that people put on you at this age. it's a tricky game. and i'll show them how to play it. that could be dangerous..... but hey, i turned out okay......mwahahah

a beautiful day! fall is creepin in.

this afternoon, 50,000 people sat on my neighborhood.

2007-09-09T18:30:00.000-04:00

that is my next short bug-story. because midway through the allman bros, I squashed a spider that undoubtedly did not get the memo, and was stuck in the middle of piedmont park as crazy fans rushed in to cover the ground with blankets.

my friends and i were appalled at how many people were upset that other people stepped on their blanket. it became rather annoying actually. did you bring your best blanket? did you remember it was a huge field where thousands of people would squash together to hear music? so why do you give a hell if someone steps on your beloved blanket! bring an old sheet next time and quit yer bitchin. hah. so jess, stephen, brandon and i began ushering people across our blanket. just as a point. and literally, there were many who still refused to step on our blanket. that's how traumatized everyone was from the meanies. I was just there for the music and people-watching. and both were great of course.

Jess and I went to the bathroom that was of course swamped with people, and finally when pee almost started running down my leg, we bribed a guy with $10 (although he didn't take it) to let us in front of him and we both went in and used it at the same time. dont ask how but we did it, and we were in and out in less than 60 seconds. no joke. people who go to concerts need to learn to pee under pressure. then we stood in an equally long but more quickly moving beer line to buy up for our group of six, had the bright idea of seeing if we could make a buck. bought 8beers, and sold the two we didn't need to desperate end-of-the-liners for $20. so we earned 8 bucks. and the buyers didn't seem to give a hoot. so i'm sure between the pee bribe and the beer con we just screwed up our good karma for a solid month. but it was fun while it lasted.

i was wiped out by the end and needed food. so brandon and i go to joes on juniper for a burger, and waited a YEAR for our food. but it was so good when it finally came. so good i forgot to get my sunglasses off the table and now i have to wear my sport glasses until i find a new pair.

kevin and i are going to see Crowded House next week. So i'm going to be musically saturated here soon.

i wonder how many other people have or are going to blog about the concert today or sometime this week. i'm sure i'm one in a thousand. it's like when you were in high school and went to a concert, you want SO badly to wear that shirt the very next day, but you feel like a cheech for doing it. and you do it anyway. hah.

more to come, as i've had an eventful few months since my last post. the newest member, Lupo, is getting bigger and will turn 5mos on the 14th. stella is officially the fat cat i've always wanted her to be. mom and wayne celebrated their 1st anniversay today. i finally went to the beach this summer with my best friends lapo and heifer. my case load at work has quieted (be it only for a week or a few days) to a dull roar. i scavenged a junked miniature antique greenhouse off the side of the road in oakhurst yeserday on the way to see the show. and the jellyfish sting on my foot finally looks a little less gross today. so all is well.

sigh.

peace love and bugs

(and joseph, go ahead and comment on my blog b/c you're a horrible emailer! haha. jk. like i'm any better- and i want an invitation!)

tootle-oo y'all.

we've adopted!

2007-06-21T20:17:00.001-04:00

it's a boy!

VONNIE LUPO

of course that would have been a perfect shot but i was meticulously sprawled on the kitchen floor trying to get...what else...the perfect shot.

and Stella....well, lets just say she's slowly warming to the idea of a babe in the crib- note enthusiasm below

Hiss, with a smile-

2007-05-30T00:05:00.000-04:00

oh the short weeks of holiday layovers. i still haven't wholley realized that tomorrow, or, today, i should say, is wednesday. this weeks list of "to dos," which is usually long anyway, was hastily carved and whittled into what essentially consists of a three day work week. because, no matter how great my intentions are, theres simply no way for me, at this point, to jump right back on the productive band wagon i fell off of last friday. and in a hurry i might add.

the weekend was a nice time spent in south carolina at our "cabin," as it is so lovingly called....and such a delightful expression considering this quaint hand-carved spectacle of a residence, while padded on all sides by truly old and wonderful wilderness, is also nestled cozily into the very armpit of what may be the closest earthly thing to hell i've ever known. yes, i still call it hell, because when i do acknowledge it, or when it forces me to acknowledge it, it's my very own hell, with my name engraved on it an everything.....and i hope that by my dying day i've either been enlightened into nothingness, or i've found something equally despicable to destest for the end of my years on earth. and c'mon, for all the wonderful things we enjoy in this world, it's simply the balance of life to have a good seething apathy for something.....for some humans its cell phones, noisey people at graduation ceremonies, cars without mufflers....but for me, it's woodruff.

nuff said. kev and i avoided the inner city limits of there, and saturday AND sunday drove out to what still ranks high on my list of great mountain bike trails. saturday we did two laps, and sunday i eeked out one, because i've been a riding slacker. running mostly, but not much of anything this month as i try to rid myself of a cold virus i swear must have been nesting in my left big toe since junior high, because thats the last time i ever had anything so consuming. i lost my voice and everything, which, besides the pain, is pretty cool. i can't sing a damned thing but fleetwood mac. with enough advil and cough syrup, it's probably one of the best side effects i could get from a cold. haha.

okay, enough with the smart-assedness. the point of this blog was a confession.

sometimes. and i do mean sometimes, i buy things based on the uniqueness of their packaging. i figure, well hell, they did a bang up job on that label, who cares if it tastes like crap, it'll look great in my cabinet.....

yea, that's stupid.

anyway, but i do. and tonight i did something i RARELY ever do, and bought some wine based on a cool label. but honestly i did read the back and it sounds good. for all the wine i've tried and narrowed down, i still dont know how to pick out a good zinfandel (and, umm....that'd be the red kind)

so while putting away the assortment of fruits and veggies i bought at the brand spanking new publix that's literally hidden amongst the bushes about 5 miles from my house like something out of a dream. COOL. (i know, so lame) i considered my choices in mother natures bounty.

zucchini. ah yes. a favorite. grapes, pears. ah hah, my daily fruit group. cucumbers. herb salad (buy 2 get $1 off with secret coupons), sweet peppers (red, yellow, and green) chives, limes, garlic, and...then

eggplant

eggplant. that mysterious fruit that i refuse to give up on. sure that one day i'll find a recipe that brings out the secret hidden magnificent flavor. thinking, surely this plant isn't as pallid and tasteless as it has always been every single time i've eaten it. and tried and true, i have yet to find an eggplant recipe that doesn't simply make the eggplant take on the flavor of the seasoning. the texture is okay, but you know, not great enough to make up for a complete lack of robustness that it's exterior boastfully insinuates.
and i realized, with a small gasp, that the eggplant is one of those items i buy because....well.....it looks cool.

so. heres to eggplants and zinfandel.

night night.

POM 400

2007-05-18T13:09:00.000-04:00

year after year, the toilet stories continue.

the side of the building where my office is located has one restroom. a nice big one at that. and this morning i went in to get a handful of toilet tissue because my cold is at the rudolph the red and runny nosed phase (it seems to have been moving downward b/c first it was my eyes, now my nose, and i'm noticing a myserious pink tinge coming from my chin...or maybe that's just acne...damn)

so anyway, as i leaned down to grab some toilet paper, which, i might add, is ALWAYS on the wrong way so that you have to unroll it backwards, which is a real pain....seriously, i noticed the roll was getting low so i raised an eyebrow towards the back of the toilet where sometimes extra rolls are stashed, and the side-of-the-eye glance read "M4 POM," but it registered in my head as "NA PALM" and for a brief second i thought, with a combination of disgust and horror, "who the hell would name toilet paper after jellied gasoline explosives....."

well, if you think about it it's a pretty uncomfortable thought. and then, if you are really bored and you think about it a little bit more, it could, in extreme cases, be quite appropriate....which is, i suppose, equally uncomfortable.

ah so the week is drawing to a SLLLLLOOOOOW close. it has seemed, since i took this job, that my weeks take off to a roaring start, inundated with work and phone calls and reviews and meetings and travel....and by thursday the last little farts of business (just to keep with the motif) sputter out, and friday is quite a bit of a decompressor. i think i like it. friday is also casual day at the office. which i really like. because i'm a goober. that's why.

heres to a great weekend. hoping for some sun and some cycling. cheerio!

things of late

2007-05-07T21:29:00.000-04:00

holy mother.

today was the first day i can plan to be home for longer than a few days. funny i GOT this job because i was tired of being gone all the time. lucky for me the worst of my travels is over. but the first tang and bite of what's yet to come welcomed itself into my office at a bright and shiney (and a wee bit chilly) 10am this morning.

but. before diving into all that.

i spent one of my favorite holidays, it being Cinco de Mayo, at Mexico Beach, Florida. a little strip of pseudo islandish land off the gulf coast between appalachacola and destin. a dear friend of mine was married on the beach on saturday and i went down friday night and stayed until sunday. saturday i managed to get a little too much sunshine but it didn't really burst into color until later sunday (post shower, which seems to be the time in which sunburns always rear their ugly side) and saturday night had a damned fine time at an outdoor fiesta style reception, followed by a full wedding party take-over at the local (and only, i might add) bar, called Toucans. wee! it was a much needed vacation after 6 weeks of mind numbing training and travel for work.

ah work. okay. i actually do still feel very niched, if i may be so bold. but if there was a little book called "worst case scenarios for foster care case managers" i would be reading "what to do if..." on pg23. twenty three being the NUMBER OF CASES i was gifted with this morning. that would also be exactly 17 more than good old georgy policy states i should receive upon immediate completion of training. and i am flattered my supervisor thinks i can handle it, but i'm TERRIFIED she actually gave that many to me. well, that's not the real problem. the real problem is that she hasn't offered much help, and discourages consulting coworkers for advice/suggesstions...which, while i understand the reasoning behind, also think it's a little on the control-freque side. so i'm like that little kid who REALLY wants to learn to swim and just wants her parent to go beside her into the water. and all seems to be going well..........when along comes uncle bob......who tosses her into the deep end of the dock before she can even hold her nose.

damn you uncle bob.

to illustrate, and slather on another layer of self pity--One case. that's one child (which i have 23 of right now, alone, by myself, solo...you get the picture) one child usually has about three or four 3.5inch binders crammed slap damned full of pages and pages of information. all of them together take up about 4 shelves on my extra large industrial grade metal bookcase. and i've leafed through all of two. binders, that is. because today was the first day i could. because today was the first day i saw any of them.

but i did manage to make a few phone calls to foster family of one of my clients.

one.

of 23.

teenagers.

who i am now officially the Legal Guardian of.

yes.

legal.

guardian.

(gasp....)

(...thud)

Samson

2007-04-04T14:22:00.000-04:00

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first
I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonder bread and
Went right back to bed
And the history books forgot about us
And the Bible didn't mention us
And the Bible didn't mention us
Not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first
Beneath the stars came falling on our heads
But they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and
Came into my bed

Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of old scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
And kissed me till the morning light
And kissed me till the morning light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonder bread and
went right back to bed
Oh we couldn't bring the columns down
Yea we couldn't destroy a single one
And the history books forgot about us

And the Bible didn't mention us
Not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first

-Regina Spektor

A cat comes and goes without ever leaving.

2007-03-29T17:31:00.000-04:00

-Curtis B. Johnson-

2004 - 2007

My furry child
My faithful friend
My mischevious beloved cat.
You are so missed.

The cat went here and there
and the moon spun round like a top
and the nearest kin of the moon,
the creeping cat, looked up.
Black Minnaloushe stared at the moon,
for wander and wail as he would,
the pure cold light in the sky
troubled his animal blood
Minnaloushe runs in the grass
lifting his delicate feet
Do you dance, Minnaloushe, do you dance?
When two close kindred meet?
What better than call a dance?
Maybe the Moon may learn
tired of that courtly fashion
A new dance turn

Minnaloushe creeps through the grass
from moonlit place to place
The sacred moon overhead
has taken a new phase.
Does Minnaloushe know that his pupils
will pass from change to change
And from round to cresent
from cresent to round they range?
Minnaloushe creeps through the grass
Alone, important and wise.
And lifts to the changing moon
His changing eyes.

-W.B.Yeats

through ancient glass

2007-03-07T22:03:00.000-05:00

well its been a while since i posted. but things have happened since last time that are funny.

like falling out of the bus in new york city because my suitcase was jacked from the flight and as i jumped from the platform onto the sidewalk, discovered my boots weren't the best for gripping the huge mound of ice lining the streets at 2am. lets just say hauling luggage through upper manhattan after a good snow is a workout. the temps weren't so bothersome, but it was damned cold the whole time. i hope to post some pictures soon.

i've been riding a running more lately. trying to get back into shape for the cycling season. i'm ready to take trips to the mountains with the warm weather, and i'm ready to go to savannah.

so 2007 has improved since i just accepted a job offer for a higher up position in social services. yes, a social worker, but paid more, and now that i'm IN it's so easy to move up. oh yea. i decided that a good 5 year plan for me is to start heading toward the school counseling by my early thirties. and until then get as much experience as i possibly can. the real world is so much different that what you learn in college. and it's beneficial to learnd about the red tape that keeps us from helping kids as much as possible.

that's it for tonight. ijust wanted to post again, hoping my postabilities start coming back to me more and more.

and for the record: i really appreciate all my friends. so here i say "thank you" for your support and encouragment over the years.

peace, love, and bugs.

oh bother.

2006-12-15T14:31:00.000-05:00

so i've been home from work for about an hour. i forced curtis to play with me for at least 10 minutes after i walked in and before he went out so that he wouldn't leave angry and maybe not come back...this is what i worry about. of course, only after i saw that the house wasn't burned to the ground. i was sure the c'mas tree would go down and the lights, on a timer (b/c i like to enjoy the thought of it) would set the carpet on fire....but only one glass ornament was sacrificed to this shift. i buried it and said a few words...

and there is always something to bury when i get home. shreds of newspaper, hole-y plastic bags, a pottery barn catalogue they evidently determined i perused too much....you know, that sort of thing. "they" being my cats.

and upon sitting down at the computer i found cat hair meticulously stuck to the bottom of my laptop screen (i could've swore i closed it before leaving monday)...and stella is the culprit b/c only she has a truly white coat of fur disguised by black tipped hairs, and only she takes obsessive interst in talking to my computer screen.

anyway, i really have missed the blogging scene. i dont really read or write blogs that often anyway, but i do miss writing them. and i've commented a few times to beaux kevin, and finally (after i edited the hell out of my blog to make sure it was presentable) i gave in to yet another request, and handed over the address

he'd kill me, but this is his email response. verbatim.

I'm not sure how people put themselves out there like this! But, I now know what your basement apartment looked like, you have a thing for latin men and you used to write a lot more than you do now. Do you miss it?

Love,
Caucasian Kev

"hmm. well could be worse!" i thought...but of course this also sent me on a wild goose chase to find the conversation i must have posted that flaunted an attraction to latin men...

not that i could get away with denying a slight interest in oggling nice-looking men of latino descent...i just can't find the dang posting...

(and for the record i actually prefer Greek or the ever-so droolable Italiano--help me out here LAPO! haha)

ok geez. i'm cutting myself off. fresh on the blogger and already i can tell this could get me into trouble! hah.

have a nice weekend everyone. ciao-

Moo

2006-11-15T10:26:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am aware I am not a high performance blogger!

Sometimes we use "picture feelings" at work when the girls have a hard time expressing their feelings.

This one just about sums it up for me today :)

rain or shine

2006-05-18T10:53:00.000-04:00

my little indulgence for the year. a weekend in the tennessee mountains with two great friends and a gorgeous view of the valley. it's beautiful here in the upstate carolina hidden treasure of laurens house....the weather channel says seveirville is not so beautiful. but it doesn't really matter. we're "getting away"...and that's all we've got on the brain.

still in pajamas, i'm hunkered into a living room chair watching lauren and heith run around getting ready to leave. i should be getting ready too, but here i am. i brought my heafy suitcase in to "organize" since last night was a little bit of a crazy-lady packing job. heith swears he's not going to wear the black converse shoes lauren put out for him, and every so often reminds her shes wearing "bermudas," and only really wants to find one more pair of low-cut socks...lauren made muffins and coffee, and we're all taking way more than we need. "just in case"
it's fun. i'm very happy :)

shoes
socks
underwear
bathing suit
raincoat
camera
laptop
sunglasses

and seven billion other things i really dont need. in multiples of 3. at least.

and a bike.

playing cards! how could we forget! they're promptly going into the "game bag"

ready for a nice weekend. pictures soon.

I sat silent, five commercials

2006-03-22T17:41:00.000-05:00

every so often, someone comes up with a really great commercial. i, for one, am a "laughingly good commercial" fan. and i have been known to watch a relatively bad channel if they air the same good commercial a few times every 30 mins. it's how i get some of my more satisfying kicks.

congratulations to the writers for the following companies. they are, frankly, hilarious.

Milky Way

KMart

Vonage

in that order. but vonage has had the lead for a while, for the record.

geico, on the other hand...FOR THE LOVE OF ALLAH! NO MORE TALKING GECKO!

"fly high--be my getaway--gotta get away"

2006-03-16T12:46:00.000-05:00

well, i feel compelled to make a brief appearance here. haha. i am now 24 years and 15 minutes old. WOO. yea.

and just as i accepted a low-pay job at REI, ms. muroff calls me from the cumming, ga DHR and wants to know, do i want to interview for a 30k/yr job?

oh lord. is it wrong to be torn? i just want to go back to school. just let me go back to school. i want to be the psychologist, not her secretary. but the salary still raises an eyebrow.

thank you for everyone who has already wished me a happy day. my brother even graced me with a serenade! haha. love the stef-man. I hope everyone has a great day. i'm doing some last minute cleaning and then heading to columbus so the parents will feel "involved" by taking jeff and me to dinner ;) love the parents. they are so sweet. and jeff gave me an ipod shuffle for my birthday ! sweet! it's definitly what I NEED! and now i can give him his little mp3 player back...haha...i think there were ulterior motives there

"Hide and seek, kissing and running
Till you were out of breath
In the late night day sun
Until your Mamma called you home... and you didn't wanna go"
-stereophonics

karma police, arrest this girl

2006-03-13T13:24:00.000-05:00

as monday wanes on, the weekend loosens it's grip and hands over the reigns to yet another business week, and our columbia pal, here since thursday, is on his way back home...but not before squeaking out one last tennis game (pictures courtesy of Rob, to be posted later today or tomorrow)...so it was a weekend of severe indulgences, but, fun to say the least. and this week should be great too...jeff and i are celebrating a happy 365day marker on wednesday, and i will celebrate becoming six years shy of 30 on thursday! woo. so we'll be heading to columbus for dinner with my folks, and then...THEN, friday and saturday i'm training for my JOB. yay.

okay, the job front has been grim for quite some time now, and i, having left a discouraged dent in THE Rock-Bottom and begun an equally gloomy journey along the plateau of unemployed depression (all the while keeping my poo-eating grin and sophisticated cover letter crafting at a convincing-yet-false-positive) finally began narrowing down my "part-time" options. on an optimistic whim, i applied at REI here in ATL; a place that I appreciate as the closest outdoor retail supplier in the area--and since i can recall having been labeled "the outdoorsy type" in my day, I dropped in and queried the friendly customer service woman for an application, and happily interviewed the same day. of course it went very well, i'm experienced in the outdoors, i'm fairly experienced in the how-tos of cycling, and i'm experienced in retail (not to mention, obviously yet another well-educated, desperate college graduate) and possess what i would call, polished "interpersonal skills"...with a degree to back it up. so i was pretty confidant (and kept a keen eye out for any snobbery my pride might fling at the interviewing manager) but then again, several interviews have gone "well" and resulted in kindly rejection letters (if anything) so my hopes were in neutral, as they have been for some time now (my conscience no doubt conserving the very last scrapings of a tattered self worth)

in the process of prepping myself for a possible turn-down from a mere retail position (because in Atlanta, anything is possible, especially rejection and poverty) I received a call and an attractive offer just two days later--the better part is that the position is with the department of my preference: Action Sports...which includes kayaks/canoes, climbing equip--and cycling--which includes mountainbikes. and mid-interview, a friendly lady who i later learned is the head honcho of this dept (and who probably snagged my resume to boost the female gender count in this area) sympathetically patted me on the back for potentially having to learn and sell not only Cannondale, but also several brands of what I kindly refer to as "comfort cycles"...this is a really difficult thing to explain to someone who isn't really into real mountainbiking. and i, along with many of my trail goers, have perfected the answer to the ever so frequent question "so, what's a good bike to buy?"...to which one replies "well, what do you consider 'good'"...this is an 'inside' retort that i will promptly have to UNlearn and replace with a sincere smile and something like "what sort of riding are you planning to do?" OR "what do you feel you will need in your future bike"...then, and perhaps more importantly, "how much are you willing to spend"

(sneeze) and with springish weather comes springish allergens

the hard part is tactfully guiding people to understand their capabilities. a few acquaintances have naively scoffed at a favorite film (The Collective) that wonderfully flaunts the craft of "sponsored" free-ride cyclists. which is an entirely different type of riding from cross country mountain biking--i've heard things like "yea that's what i do or "heh, I can do that"...and of course one can do a lot of things if they put their mind to it, but, willingness and ability go hand in hand...along with endurance, actual SKILL, and a (somewhat heavy) touch of masochism. not even i would dare set an intent foot on a freeride/downhill cycle...tho i'm rather envious. but if tubby comes in determined to drop two-grand on a bike that he'll never really use to it's full worth, so be it, big-boy. i dont make commission, but i understand the value of sales and marketing. and if i have to take a retail job, i'll be derned if i dont make it a point to be one who is promoted as soon as possible. anywho. so that's my story as of late. i am now employed. and i might add, by #7 of fortune 100s best companies to work for.

and i hear an old riding buddy of mine, joseph, is making a swell move to a bike shop in boone, nc. and i wish him (and his karma) all the best...mwah ha. a tribute pic to old rides below-

that's all for now.
cheerio.

"in a world"

2006-03-02T11:20:00.000-05:00

Last night I watched David Lynchs "Eraserhead" with Jeff. He'd already seen most of it, and warned me it was "typical Lynch"...and maybe I wasn't completely prepared ? but then, how do you prepare for a man who creates films like Lost Highways and Mullholland Drive...so, Eraserhead. I made it 3/4 of the way through before retiring for the night. And so the dreams began.

I have a family, as in mother/father/brothers/sisters/grandparents. and we live in a big house, with a large indoor pool in the basement (me? a dream involving water? surely not)...anyway, for some reason there are fish in the pool? I think, and over breakfast I say maybe we need a few more fish...so that evening, I hear my parents drive up, and yell "open the door"...well, that day I had come across a baby nurse shark...a small animal that would be comfortable in a pool that size. Granted, I have no idea why I want fish or a shark in this pool, but whatever. The more important part is from outside in the yard I hear this father figure (I have no idea who any of the people are) say "well, we have a whale!"...and in they march with a small gray colored whale....A WHALE? oh, not only a whale, they also have a young tiger, two monkeys, a parrot, and a few other wild species better found (or left) in the forests and jungles of elsewhere, certainly not our basement.

My first reaction is of bewilderment, then I move to attempting reasonable discussion with the memebers of my family, who seem to see no problem with the fact that a dozen wild animals were living in our home, and were going to grow up to be LARGE animals. hmmm...so, the first whacked out thing to happen is the tiger eats grandpa. yep. the tiger got into the ductwork and jumped on grandpa while he slept in a hospital bed in the back corner of the basement. This is like a combination of some bizarre cartoon and The Ghost And The Darkness...as in, it seems ridiculous, but it was really like, scary, evil stuff. After that happened I woke up, and drifted in and out of the same dream, which turned into something more scifi than what it had been, until the alarm clock went off at 8:30, afterwhich I snoozed in another weird dream until around 9. All I'm sayin is, and I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin...watching Lynch before bed has to be about the equivalent of doing some crazy drug right before you go into a house of mirrors.

And today was supposed to be sunny, in my fantasy world. But, tut tut, it looks like rain. No pioneering the pool deck today!

tootles

how we move our lives for another day.

2006-02-24T09:13:00.000-05:00

10 is creeping up on me, but I'm still ready to get out of here before too long. These spontaneously premeditated weekends are always imagined with the intentions of "getting away to relax" or "escape" a hectic big city, but always end up being nearly opposite...last night determined to call my brother and tell him to stay away and leave me the house to myself, then this morning in the shower wondering if i should just stay with my grandparents, I'll be there most of the time anyway, and in Boiling Springs, visiting my other grandmother, now home from her stint in the hospital...I guess by 91 you're gonna break something eh...anyway. hmmmm....well, I have the best intentions...I guess (insert under-breath chuckle here)

the WOW in our area. also known as the "Women of Willivee" have now gone public with what is currently a battle against invasion that is now going on in our wee neighboring neighborhood...and that battle is against none other than (what? you are wondering? what adversity are these brave women fighting against? sexism? harassment? (said "haress-ment" like the cool Atlantans do) neighborhood crime? oh they are so selfless and valiant!)..

...yes my friends, they are winning, against, yes, wild yard onions

I know, I know "HOW?" you might wonder, because it is such a brutal and often odiferous war, but I believe they will prevail....I saw at least 5 women out just yesterday around 4pm with their little weed plucking devices, hunting their grounds for the devious and infestuous little green devils

and with that, I must be gone. off with me.

"theres not a moment to lose in this game-
dont let the troubles in your head-
steal too much time, you'll soon be dead-
so play--but every day should be a good day to die"

Opening Night

2006-02-22T15:07:00.000-05:00

as i'm tentatviely re-entering the blogosphere. as i have all the time in the world to post. so, here we go.

quip of the day

2006-01-28T18:14:00.000-05:00

oh for blogs sake

2006-01-26T15:00:00.000-05:00

yesterday i was washing a load of whites and somehow as i was pouring the clorox into the specialized bleach receptacle, about a tablespoon of it splashed into my right eyeball. at this point i'm not sure how much longer my right eyeball will last, as it is the eyeball that always catches anything that could remotely damage an eyeball. bugs, paint stripper, mascara,unidentifiable organic matter...etc. so, bleach. i have a history with bleach, mainly because, well, i love bleach. the idea of bleach is awesome. it BLEACHES things white, and it kills the AIDS virus. and because i'm someone who can dwell myself right into a panic attact at 4 in the morning because there was a lot of blood when i killed the mosquito on my arm last summer and a billboard that i read every day on my way home reads "Brother, you're all the same to me. HIV," i like stuff that kills deadly viruses. just the idea of it is comforting.

and to give a little history to the story, i get ringworm. i know it sounds gross, but some people have skin that is just more desirable for growing fungus than others. and i guess i'm one of them. if i so much as look at an animal or human who has a hidden or visible spot of it, bam. i got it too. i get it about once or twice a year when it's hot and muggy and the conditions are prime for growth. and ringworm is a bitch because it takes a stinking month of twice-daily care to get rid of. so, about three summers ago, during an internal tantrum over discovering yet another emerging ring beside the one that was almost gone, and having used the very last of my trusted tea tree oil at the very same moment, i became desperate, and vengeful. i decided that if bleach kills AIDS, bleach can kill ringworm. so i moistened a cotton ball with a dab of bleach and taped it over the ringworm on my leg, determined to get rid of it no matter what. naturally.

the guy i was dating at the time was a pharmacy student who was about to transfer to UGA Pharm school, so I'd say he knew a little bit about chemistry, and when he heard about what i did, i received the proverbial slap on the back of the head effect from the look he gave me. the bleach swab was removed, and i was scolded, by him right then, by my soon-to-officially-be father#2, and by my body for the next 4 months. for the next four months my hands, feet, and chest turned into a harvest of boil-like blisters. the doctor i finally went to wasn't particularly interesting in figuring it out, but said if i'd gotten bleach in my bloodstream it was possible my body was ridding itself of the poison by pushing it to the skins surface. oh well. the blisters finally went away, and no more bleach-cures for me. and i know i'm not really THAT stupid. but i really hate ringworm.

meanwhile, back at the ranch, the bleach splashed into my eyeball, and i ran frantically into my roommates bathroom, which is right next to the laundryroom, to rinse my eyeball. i ran in, turned on the first light switch i felt (because i had both eyes closed at this point, dont ask why) leaned over the sink and began dousing my eyeball with water.

just then, above the screams of pain coming from my eye, and the rush of water in the sink, and the frantic bewilderment of being momentarily blinded, i heard a terrible noise. it sounded like a bone being slowly scraped across a cheese grater. then it sounded like a prop-plane choking in mid-air and beginning it's decent back to the earth. it was a horrible metallic sound, and i squealed a classic rachel squeal, and jumped. when i jumped i put my hand on the sink to brace myself for whatever horrible thing was about to happen to me, but my hand immediatly slid because it was wet, and i flopped backwards and hit my head on the towel rack and fell in the floor with a nice big thud. so, being cornered, i assumed the "chill-out and be rational" self therapy that would be necessary for me to escape the apartment even though i was trapped in a bathroom with no windows and only one vent for the fan

the fan. the damned fan.

the fan in robs bathroom has been dying since we moved in. it used to sound like an engine warming up, and then one day it sounded different and rob commented that it had just started making that weird noise. but that day i wasn't home alone in a chilly apartment with all the lights out for energy conservation. the position i was in at the moment the fan gurgled to life yesterday was the position i imagine my cat stella feels when she just knocked over something that probably nearly killed her and then i angrily chase her around the apartment and close doors to all her getaway areas while i'm chasing her, and eventually she runs herself into a corner and rolls over and begins to shake (it's how she gets out of being reprimanded, by acting traumatized before you even scold her). that's how i think i felt crouched in the floor of robs bathroom. traumatized. by a spalsh of bleach and the ventilation fan.

today i'm going to the office to request the fan be replaced. we're out of bleach. and the spot on my shin that i've been convinced was dermatitis since summertime, has been determined by my paramedic friend to look "a lot like ringworm"

ta da

look at the world with a smilin eye and laugh at the devil

2006-01-19T13:29:00.000-05:00

So tonight is the Alison Krauss concert. The Robster and I will be travelin to C-town in the next thirty minutes to see Ma and Pa and have some bluegrass fun.

The last however many days it's been since I posted have been your regular howevertheygo days, so I can't say theres a lot to talk about. I've finished reading a few books...mom gave me The Bean Trees for Christmas. A Barbara Kingsolver I had yet to have read when she gifted me with it. I was standoffish b/c I'd heard it wasn't that great, but have to say I enjoyed it...if for no other reason than finding out the origins of some of the characters I've read about in her other books. I have yet to acquire new copies of Poisonwood and Prodigal Summer. I used to loan books to people, and a few of those people just never gave them back. I guess I assume that if they want them enough to have ignored my queries (rare as they were), maybe they just liked the book that much. And that's okay with me. I'd like to have new hardbacks anyway.

Sunny day here. It was so cold this morning everyone was bundled in about 7 layers and scraping ice off their windsheilds while their cars struggled to life...the day will bring temps in the comfy upper 60's...and even better is it's always warmer in Columbus. Whenever I'm visiting down there I always tend to say something along the lines of "I do love springtime in Columbus, that's what I always miss living in Atlanta"...and it'll set Mom and Wayne off into a tangential tizzy about my getting a job there and moving back. That doubtful, but I am sortof stuck in the Ga area for a while, seeing how mom isn't likely to live anywhere else after they get married and build...and while I do want to live elsewhere, I'm inclined to stay within driving distance from my Ma. I guess that's a southern family thing...hard to part.

I've been watching a western Welcome To Hardtimes, so I'm in western mode. Its not obvious is iT?

K...gotta scramble. Supposed to leave in 20.

cheerio

Spiderman Boots

2006-01-11T18:27:00.000-05:00

It's these little things, they can pull you under.
Live your life filled with joy and wonder.
I always knew this altogether thunder
was lost in our little lives.
-rem,sweetness follows

2006-01-09T11:31:00.000-05:00

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says
"Dam!".

have a good monday everyone :)

peace love and bugs.

here here, new year

2006-01-01T12:30:00.001-05:00

I left the apartment around 12:30pm yesterday and hopped on 285 to begin making my way to Columbus....about 30mins down the road I remembered I'd forgotten to drop the rent off at the office before I left. It wasn't a big deal, I'm going back today, which is the due date, so I could do it then (and I realized that as I was dropping it in the slot) but I turned around and went back. My neighbor flagged me down to inquire if we had mice, and I disclosed that we had secret mice police protecting our apt and would send them over any time she needed. Still, unsettling to know there are critters in the complex, tho not surprising.

Okay so the party was a hit, as it always is...and everyone had a great time :) I took myself to bed around 2am with a belly full of cranberry and vodka and champagne and a throat sore from laughing and talking with all the people who were here. Mom passed out gifts that denoted who was having the next party. I got Valentine cards, so we're having the V-day party, and everyone seemed really excited about coming to Atlanta and hosting their own gatherings respectively, and I'm looking forward to that :) so here I sit, slowly rehydrating, blogging, etcetera. Ready to go home.

Hopefully the next few days will involve a good mtb ride, and a little moolah from boss Vanman. Hopefully everyone had a great New Years Eve, Happy 2006 :)

Live, 1981

2005-12-27T12:00:00.000-05:00

I'm piddling the day away. It has been very nice and warm in Atl today. Good day to be outside.

And two things came in the mail. Well, one in email form, but the other actual mail. The email was from GSU, announcing that (gasp!) I made the Dean's list. Being that I graduated in May, this is a good bit slower than a few years ago when they let me know (by mail) that I was accepted to the program three months after I was already taking classes. The other news is that I applied to take state certification exams for Social Work and Substance Abuse Counselor jobs, and received a notice that my education satisfies the counseling requirements, so all this time I've avoided applying to those positions b/c I'm not "certified"...blagh. BUT, that's good news. And means I'm on a LIST of a million other ppl who are qualified, and may be recruited to work for the GOV. ALLLLLrighty then.

hmmm...I just realized I haven't had coffee yet.

(panic)

"I have been called a Luddite"

2005-12-20T16:36:00.000-05:00

I decided that when I finished the second page of subject data I would take a break and blog for petes sake.

To begin with, I wanted to make special note that this blogger is happy :) because I get to talk about a good book. weee! So, Kurt Vonnegut published yet another O-worthy piece, A Man WIthout A Country. Geez I luv him...a million other people do too I suppose. I saw it whilst shopping for other ppls presents in Borders bookstore, and it was like I momentarily became possessed by the book demons and had to have it, all 24 dollars worth..."well, it's a hardback" is how I justified it with my budget. And I like hardbacks, so what's the fuss. It's like that $1000 pair of diamond earrings that you'll "keep forever"...hahah. But anyway, my Platinum Visa can handle it. hah. So I bought it and read the whole thing in about 3hrs.

The winter season is here tomorrow! Officially, at least. But as far as I'm concerned its cold enough to be winter. I'm all hunkered into the SNL lab processing hours of mindnumbing data into their appropriate programs and not in the least excited about leaving b/c I dread the walk to Marta, and I dread the walk to my car, and I dread sitting in my car for the 2.7 minutes it takes to warm up. I also am royally procrastinating on getting my cell phone fixed. Sue me, but it's kindof nice to not have it, but I do need it from time to time....I feel like that person who sortof wants to quit smoking, so they stop buying cigarettes, and just occasionally bums a smoke off of someone else whenever they want one bad enough to actually be an inconvienience to your random joe.

Tonight will be my last night in town with company :( Rob left today, so I'll be holding down the fort until I begrudgingly drive home for the holidays on Friday with the rest of panic-stricken consumerist America. blagh.

Wah Wah! (that "Deb" is for you LAPO...I know you feel my pain..haha)

Now, back to the processors!

With love and good wishes to everyone, this is Rach signing off...for now

Tootle-oo!

MONDA(NE)Y

2005-12-19T14:26:00.000-05:00

WAIT! I'm really going to post something good. But, right now I'm the blogging equivalent of a woman in a straitjacket.

Today, 5pm

Be there or...well...don't...I'll probably be late anyway (for those who know me)

hah

zygo mean corr RMS psychobabble

2005-12-13T15:37:00.000-05:00

as I sit, being productive in the social neuroscience lab (that sounds so... smart..haha)...but being productive in here is just well. number crunching. but, number crunching with some pretty neat-o programs ya

today I FINALLY got a hook-up with Emory. I'd be one happy camper to work there. maybe even a happy camper with health insurance. health insurance and free/reduced services from one of the most prestigous universities/hospitals in the nation. now that's cool. but, no definits yet. I've been cursing Emory for a while now, and vanman says 'oh yea send this person an email with your resume'...and i go and check her out, and she's none other than...hmmm...his ex-wife. now i'm not sure if thats a good thing, or a really really bad thing. err.

pray for me folks, that if i at least get an interview i dont go in and say something stupid. wait. if you pray for a job, is that the devil? i mean, a job is for money, and money is the root of all evil. so, should we necessarily be praying for the root of all evil to fall into my hands.

ummm....what the heck. go for it. and i'll save all of you a spot ;) haha

filesaveasc:sub1124emg.xlsenterthankyoucomeagain

kempt, or unkempt

2005-12-08T01:03:00.000-05:00

oh my. cbs at 1:30am is really...really...not...good.

and why exactly IS the standard 'snooze' always set for 9minutes? why 9? why not make it an even 10? i mean, it's totally ungratifying to hit the snooze and know that you only have 9 miutes...so instead of snoozing until 6 50, you only get to snooze until 649. errgh.

(ok really dont tell me why. i think i know. and even if i'm wrong, leave me with what little ego i've managed to scrape up off the highway to hell. thanks.)

did anyone know they still sold chia pets? i thought that went out with the 90s, but it turns out i was wrong! they now have scooby do

any minute now my kroger brand nighttime pain relief pills will kick in so i can go to bed so i can tear myself away from the most ridiculous shows on television. why am i even still watching? i think its because i wish we had IFC, and i keep flipping through the channels like its magically going to appear. its like going to the refridgerator to 'look' 2mins after you just opened it and couldn't find anything to eat....did anyone know that Oxygen goes soft porn after 1??

enough. i'm not that desperate. to bed i go.

ha

the undeniable joe

2005-12-03T13:33:00.000-05:00

well, I saw IT too. in response to LAPOs recent commentary. Walk The Line is great flick...and contrary to appearances (as I dab the saliva away from the corners of my mouth) not just because of Joe-quinn. Also known as Wahkeen. haha. ok ok. Joaquin...I think that's how its spelled...but the movie is great. Sadly a short depition of Johnnys rather colorful life, making it pale somewhat to more extensive (tho also lacking) bio films like "Ray"...but, very good. And many props to Joaquin and Reese for doing all the vocals. That is damned impressive.

in tribute, a pic of a poster that once graced the walls of Kevin B. when he was also still earthbound...maybe he finally got the chance to meet The Man In Black.

I'll settle for a cup of coffee....

2005-12-01T12:07:00.000-05:00

Last night Robin and I were discussing "Post Secrets"...the site where people have sent postcards to this guy with their deepest secrets on them. In a way, I'm impressed, I wish it was around years and years ago, I would have exploded his mail box. So we were talking about some of the things people have sent in, and I commented that some of it is so dark, that I can somewhat relate, but only if I journey back in time to when I was a very young and rather darkened teenager. Whew. What we were talking about is how some of it actually is a little offending (because it's not what we WANT to be made aware of) but very moving just the same. That was about it, and by then I was on my 3rd Stella Artois, and we all know about the third beer. no matter what kind you're drinking.

so. for the last three weeks I've been in or around Woodruff. traumatizing I might add. My grandmother is confined to Woodruff Manor for rehabilitation, so I had to go because no one else would or could go. I'd like to think that in a pinch I can be an okay granddaughter...and I officially won the martyr award for this one (haha) Spending THREE weeks in Woodruff for my grandmother, actually having to ENTER the town on a daily basis, and get out of my car, and walk into a building, in Woodruff. That is intense. Anyway, most of my time was spent at our house, unpacking boxes moved from my moms house in Columbus, and cleaning up...or trying to. That house is large and in charge when it comes to spider webs and dust. Lauren graciously helped me for an entire day AND housed me on several occasions in her magazine worthy residence. Talk about a friend! She is a huge help!

Now that I'm back, there is a relief effort going on to rid me of this home-boundness. The esteemed Dr.Vanman at GSU kindly reserved a part time 2month job for me...it sounds like I'm taking over all the work that the grad students normally do. Which is an honor to have him call me about the job. So my Chrismas is out, but I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO!!! (insert Hallelujah Chorus here)

well, I hope everyone is having a great day. It's super cool here...coat and hat and scarf and mittens

what a sad parade

2005-11-29T23:49:00.000-05:00

I can't say that I love Jesus
That would be a hollow claim
He did make some observations
And I'm quoting them today
"Judge not lest ye be judged"
What a beautiful refrain
The studio audience disagrees
Have his lambs all gone astray?

Call me a leper

"You are lost and disillusioned!"
What an awful thing to say
I know this show doesn't flatter
It means nothing to me
I thought I might help them understand
But what an ugly thing to see
"I am not an animal"
subtitled under the screen

Call me a leper

When I tried to tell my story
They cut me off to take a break
I sat silent 5 commercials
I had nothing left to say
The talk show host was index-carded
All organized and blank
The other guests were scared and hardened
What a sad parade

____________________

when i was a high school senior, after my days of running track took one of the many pitiful places of my past, i discovered i was better at distance running--not award winning, but definitly better than i was at sprinting...i mean, who was i kidding, i am about as 'white' as they come....i do remember elisha martin kicked some ass though...she was awesome--anyway, New Adventures In Hi-Fi was the album that I would jog with...New Test Leper was the song that, after How the West Was Won set the pace, did some good maintenance for the remaining few miles. this is an awesome album. my favorite REM.

.your eyes are burning holes through me.

word to the weiz

2005-11-29T13:28:00.000-05:00

carrot juice and herbal tea, for some reason, don't mix very well. just so you know.